Line up 2

Coach not impressed.

WTF

This weekend (2)

Day	Date	Time	Home	Grade	Away	Gound
Saturday	17-Apr	13:00	KIL	G45	BER	JUB1 - Jubilee Oval 1
Saturday	17-Apr	13:20	AVO	G45	DOY	AVO1 - Erina High School 1
Saturday	17-Apr	14:15	BUD	G45	KIN 1	BUD1 - Budgewoi FC 1
Saturday	17- Apr	15:00	KIN 2	G45	GOS	KIN1 - Frost Reserve 1

Please be at Frost 1, by 2:30pm.

Its back.

Know the Noggins???

Beer Drought Adds to Relics’ Woes

Amid stifling heat and a narrow 1-0 defeat at the hands of o/45 newcomers the Berkeley Vale Rustics (BVR), the Relics looked a forlorn mob post match as the esky ran dry within 15 minutes. New Beer Bitch, Roid Man, was busy trying to find a hole to hide in as The Hat’s mum and Relic after Relic ventured to an empty esky looking for sustenance. Message to BB from your fellow Relics – lift your game!

The Hat, wearing the captain’s arm-band for the first time this season continued the team’s proud tradition of losing the toss (he obviously learnt well from Mickledinho). Running uphill, into the wind and a piercing sun, a new-look Relics outfit hit the field eager to impress against BVR.

The first half was tough for the Relics. BVR pushed the ball around well and seemed to have options at every juncture of play. The Relics were at sixes and sevens battling to effectively mark up on their opponents. If it wasn’t for some great defensive play from the Relics’ back four the Relics may well have been down two or three goals at half time. In the end the Relics went to the break 0-0.

As the weary Relics sought the half-time shade a number looked at the team esky licking their lips in anticipation with many making comments like: “I can’t wait for a beer at full-time” and “I hope BB has packed plenty of VB.”

Crowtch took a calm approach to his half time talk. He noted the efforts his team was making and made some significant changes to the team’s defensive patterns. He instructed every man except for Banker to mark up on a player. This initially confused new keeper Smokey who parked himself in the opponent’s goal mouth for the commencement of the second half.

The second half was a much different affair. Crowtch’s instructions worked a treat and the Relics’ dominated the majority of this period. Apart from one minor blemish which resulted in an unremarkable BVR goal, the Relics were unlucky not to win the match, particularly as BVR brought everyman back in defence for the final 10 minutes following their goal. This pussy ploy was obviously due to the Relics' dominance in the final 20 minutes and BVR’s respect for the Relics’ attacking machine.

New Relics Wrecking Ball, Wild Thing and Smokey had great games. With sweat beading down his glimmering globe Wrecking Ball was everywhere. He combined deft passing with resolute defence. WB will be an asset is season 2010. One criticism, however, came from Banker who indicated post match that he was often blinded by the glare emanating from WB’s shiny orb. It is understood that on sunny days Crowtch will request that WB wear a scarf. Some fellow Relics even suggested a mask or balaclava!

Wild Thing, obviously playing up to a devoted fan club, rattled the bones of a number of Rustics with some excellent front on defence. WT, too, has impressed fellow Relics and a great season in 2010 is also assured.

New keeper Smokey, who has been ultra impressive in trial games, looked the goods in the first competitive hit out. Smokey will be a vital cog in the Relics machine this season and he will fill the vacant keeper position nicely in 2010.

Bring on Gosford!

Becks

Hey BB One Each Please !!

This should be standard issue for each player, built in cooler at the base. And I want mine to have 3 VB, Two Bundy UP and a half bottle of a Rockford 1998 Cabernet Sauvignon (plus one of those little glasses that has its own holder for sticking in the ground!!)

Subtle hint for next week.

We are Dry!!

After a hard days work, we had a man sized thirst, yet somehow the new BB gave us a thimbleful of beer. Seriously a mans not .....

Other results

Kin1 6 - Avo 0

Doy 1 - Bud 6

Gos 1 - Kil 5

No excuses.

Relics go down 1- 0 away.

Line up 1

Remember...

This weekend (1).

Day	Date	Time	Home	Grade	Away	Gound
Saturday	10-Apr	13:00	KIN 1	G45	AVO	KIN2 - Frost Reserve 2
Saturday	10-Apr	14:00	GOS	G45	KIL	GOS1 - Gavenlock Oval 1
Saturday	10-Apr	14:00	DOY	G45	BUD	DOY1 - Doyalson RSL 1
Saturday	10- Apr	15:10	BER	G45	KIN 2	BERK1 - Kurraba Oval 1

Please be at Kurraba Oval 1 by 2:40pm.

Oldies 3 Youngish 1.

We may look tired and they may smile, but in the end who won?

Training starts Wednesday 7 to 8:30pm.

Looks like all the oldies have asked to train Wednesdays,

35b's, 35d's, 45a1's and us 45a2's.

(So far, no other team is training on the ground.)

As you can see, we all got the western side of the park, which is not too bad as there is plenty of light.

My suggestion is to park off Davies St., for quick access to the important after training drinks .

REMINDER: $100 Club is being collected.

SEU showed what pussy's they really are

Southern 35's have pulled out of tomorrow's game with the Relics after hearing Crowch had ordered the new power bands for Axe, Blackbeard and Wrecking ball. Roos 35d's have bravely taken up the challenge.

Next Trial Game.(CHANGED)

(Oldies V Youngish)

This Monday 2pm kick off at Narara Valley High School, Crn Fountains & Pandala Rds, Narara, against Kincumber 35d side.

In: Peter, Flemo, Vic, Tolly, Wheats, Brian, Shadow, Dave G, Dunlop, Grant, Phil, Tony.

Promoted: Evo.

Out: Ian, Max, Dave C., Greg, Rob.

Volunteer Ref: Mickledildo

Hey Dallas, they want to know were to send you the bill.

Test.

Which one is Max?

Anyone want one?

I'm sure you guys can think of more buttons to add on.

Training Saturday 3pm.

We are on again this Saturday at Terry Oval 3pm and there will be a trial game on the Easter Weekend possibly Monday. I will text you further info as well as update it on this site.

See you Saturday.

Ohh Well

Blackbeard & Dallas stood watching the battle in the unrelenting humidity resulting in a 2-2 draw...........they sighed and turned away, perplexed!

Crowch Questions Relics Fitness

Crowch (Darchinyan has suggested we make a compound word out of Coach and Crow) has questioned the fitness levels of a number of Relics, after many came to a standstill, in a 2-2 arm wrestle with the Gosford Cavemen.

The Relics hit the paddock amid mild Autumn conditions minus Blackbeard, Dallas, George Best, Becks and Maximillion. Becks lost his battle with a calf injury following a searching pre-match fitness test ordered by Crowch. Blackbeard and Dallas obviously moonlighting as car mechanics turned up mid-match in overalls. Besty turned up inebriated and in no fit state to play while Maximillion was again missing in action.

Despite the ideal playing conditions many Relics failed to fire with many running like their grandmothers during the game. If you look closely at the blog post from Darchinyan, prior to this report, what appears to be a still photo is actually 30 seconds of real-time video footage of the Relics play mid-way through the first half. At one stage the Hat’s mum said give me a shirt and shorts, that lot out there are an embarrassment to the Kincumber Roos. It was at this point that Becks gave old Mrs Hat a stern rebuke by backing up his comrades and letting her know, in no uncertain terms, that the Relics were actually playing above themselves!

The Cavemen were first to strike at the nine minute mark, through a well telegraphed movement down the Relics right side. Many Relics stood back expecting Statue to make the simple tackle on the Cavemen’s lumbering left winger. Inexplicably Statue went missing in action, this time not in a Port Stephens bay, but down a rabbit burrow. This miss by Statue left makeshift keeper Iron Gloves stranded on his line as the ball dribbled into goal territory. It was at this point several young kid’s playing on the basketball courts received the worst possible Easter surprise. As Statue emerged from the rabbit burrow one of the kid’s screamed in excitement, look over there it’s the Easter Bunny! No it’s not replied his mate, it’s an ugly old statue. At this point both boys scampered home wailing for their mothers.

Late in the first third the Cavemen played their famous ‘turnstile move’ working a play through Reckin Ball and the Banker to register a second goal against the hapless Relics. The Relics went to the first break two goals down, looking down and out.

The second third commenced with the Relics peppering the Cavemen’s goal. The Relics soon hit back through some cunning canine manoeuvring from Howler who squirted a ball past the keeper to register his first Relics goal, after some enterprising lead-up work from the Shadow. This spurred the Relics on. Wild Thing in his first full hit out for the Relics was wreaking havoc in the left midfield, the Toe put some judicious balls downfield, while the aging ex-legend Mickledildo began to find glaring gaps in the Cavemen’s defence.

It wasn’t long before Darchinyan was able to score the Relics equalizer. The goal, however, was scored under false pretences as the diminutive Darchinyan was at least four metres off-side when he loomed onto Mickledildo’s through ball to score.
The unluckiest player on the park was without doubt the Axe. He swerved, he veered, he sneered, he charged, he sashayed, he shimmied, he glided, he was dynamite – but to no avail. He just could not put a ball through the goals.

Becks

2 - 2 Draw.

(Click here to play)

Told you not to get exited.

Hey Tolly

My wife reckons you're not a plumber and I should call someone else.

I should be ok for Sunday trial - Becks

I pulled up a little sore in the heel after training on Saturday - but don't worry Relics I should be OK.

Sunday trial game.

Hi guys, second trial game is at Gosford High School against the new Gosford over 45s.

1:30pm Kick Off, please be there by 1pm.

Please let me know if you can or cant make it A.S.A.P.

(That includes you Banker)

Thanks to Posh and the Hat for organizing the game.

IN: Rob, Tony, Steve F., Shadow, Victor, Phil, Mick (kpr), Grant, Dave C., Statue, Tolly, Greg, Dave G. & Peter.

OUT: Ian, Max, Wheats, Brian

Coach Crow Trys to Ask for another Lap !

In an extraodinarily (and previously unprecedented togetherness) show of timing and unity the team reacted to Coach'c viscious suggestion that they try to run a second 50 meter jog.

Still waiting.

Well c'mon Flash.

Killarney Vale move to U/35D's

It appears the U/45s comp has had its first casuality. I have been reliably informed that the Killarney Vale team from last year (not the Tossils) has moved back to 35D's.

I have also been reliably informed that both Howler and Ball caused a sensation in the mosh pit at the George Michael concert...more to come!

Training Saturday 3pm.

Next run on Saturday, 3pm Terry Oval.

First injury of the season goes to Ian who has fractured his ankle last Saturday, I think it was when he raced for the last beer. Going for further x-rays on Friday will keep us in touch.

Hope its not this bad.

Coach Crow happy with sharp session

The 2010 Relics looked sharp in a crisp training session on Saturday. The boys pushed the ball around well with new recruit and relative youngster Ian (Boy) George impressing Coach Crow. Coach Crow pleased with what he saw drew a close to training 5 minutes early as Howler and Ball had to get to a George Michael concert.

For those new players follow this link to see footage from a trial game last year. We wore the red shirts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-rDjFo_fL0

Coach ponders keeper position

Make lots of money.

I was lounging around reading the Blog, when my wife emails me this from across the living room,

"Looking great Babe".

Relics Impress in Trial Win

The Relics have started season 2010 in style with a solid 2-0 trial win against Berkeley Vale last Sunday.

A stinging pre-game verbal from Coach Crow saw the rejuvenated Relics line up power to a convincing win. Coach Crow did not mince his words ordering his players to give 110% or else. He mixed a venomous death stare with a volley of abusive language to warn his chargers that anything less than their absolute best will not be tolerated. Coach Crow finished his pre-match tirade by asserting, “I don’t give a f*** if this is a trial game. I want mistake free football and if I get anything f***ing less I will have you’re a*se at training. At this point seasoned Relics began looking at each other wondering if the power had gone to Coach Crow’s head. New recruits Reckin Ball, Howler and Tony were sh**ting themselves. Mothers held their children tight. The Axe’s lips began to quiver.

In his eagerness to impress Coach Crow, Tony went too hard too early and limped from the field with a leg injury. Coach Crow has ordered intense physio for Tony and daily stints in a hyperbaric chamber to reduce his time on the sideline.

The Relics withstood some early pressure with Berkeley Vale mounting numerous attacking raids. The back four of The Banker, The Toe, Reckin Ball and Beckham, however, were more than equal to the task of repelling their opposition. As the first 20 minute third neared its end the Relics began to take charge of the midfield. Coach Crow was scintillating, a real soccer craftsman in action. Shadow, too, impressed with his deft ball-work, sending some great through balls to Darchinian and wide balls to Statue and Howler. This pressure finally led to the first goal.

The second and third periods saw the Relics take control of the game. The second goal saw Blackbeard latch onto one of Shadow’s balls and put it past the luckless Berkeley Vale goal keeper.

The Relics were a happy bunch as they left the field, obviously content with their first hit out for the season. Unfortunately this was not a view shared by Coach Crow. Coach Crow drew several players aside, including Blackbeard, and read the riot act to them about some minor blemishes in their respective games. Blackbeard took the criticism on the chin and promised Coach Crow he would be sharper and more focussed next match.

The big talking point post match (after Coach Crow left) was the bizarre behaviour of Coach Crow. The Hat has volunteered to approach Lorraine to see if she could crush a couple of Valium into his Saturday lunches.

A big thanks to Mickledinho and Man Mountain who helped out in goals.

Prior to their match the Relics were treated to a soccer spectacle as the much vaunted Kincumber All Stars took to the field for their first match. The All Stars pushed the ball around like seasoned champions and despite losing 1-0 to a Berkeley Vale All-Age 6 outfit looked dominant for the majority of the match. Best on field for the All Stars were Roy, Diamond, Brumby and Mountain.

Welcome new players to the RELICS.

Good to have you on board Mark, Greg, Rob, Ian, Tony & Phil.

$100 Club.

As per usual we will be running the $100 Club this year. If possible we would like players to put $100 at the beginning of the season for the year's ref fees, however you can choose to pay $7 on match day. Anyone wanting to join the club see me.

Training on Wednesdays at 7pm.

We are aware that some of us will not make Wednesdays training, however it suits the majority. I will be missing 50% of training nights due to work, but will try and join in with another club team on the Thursday.

Training this Saturday.

Lets hope for cool weather for our next training game, this Saturday 4pm at Terry Oval.