The old Frost and the new

With multiple grounds water logged after the weekend, Frost drained like a well plumbed sink.
Looking forward to beating Ourimbah here in the second round.
This shot of course shows the familiar pond in the Southern goalmouth on field 1 and the field today where on the left the Southern goalmouth will again be.

Wrecking Ball Smash

The Relics own Wrecking Ball has decided to harden up in the tackle.
Unfortunately Reckins attempt, for which he should have been yellow carded, led to a penalty duely squandered by a marshmallow like strike.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3CuWY_rRdA

After deliberation and conversation at the halftime break Reckin adjusted his style and pulled off one of the best ever slide tackles. Unfortunately his display of petulence towards the victim of his graceful exhibition should have been awarded a further yellow and therefore ending his involvement in the match.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJFZ_O7GScI

Game 3 Line Up

Game 2 - post match report, by Howler
On a wet and miserable Saturday the new look Relics sassayed their way up the F3 to take on (in their minds) another easy target at Toukley.

Who plays soccer ?.... sorry soccer tragics I mean FOOTBALL in Toukley ??

Obviously some feral lookin, drug addled assholes that look like they couldn't play soccer ... I mean football DO!!

Tolley, upon arrival at the ground had an instant feeling of being at home, he and the number 8 for Toukley could have been blood brothers for gods sake!

Meanwhile, Brian, looking resplendent in his blue goalie gear and all excited about his opening game of the year was warming up his rickety joints & trying to get some feeling into the extremeties of his body parts when Big Bob walked into the dressing shed. Brian felt like a vegetarian at a BBQ as his Relics teammates dropped him like an empty beer can and started talking excitedly amongst themselves about how quickly they could get Bob into that lovely blue goalie outfit. Needless to say Brian had a shocker!

Kick off & ninety minutes later the all conquering Relics were standing around like a mob of mongrel dogs with their tails between their legs. What happened? Did the Relics believe their own press ? did Shadow push them too hard at training ? Did they miss Steady Ian in the midfield?......... Brian may have had a shocker but it wasn't his fault that the Toukley forwards ran through the Relics defence like a dose of the clap.

Passing for the Relics looked like a foreign object had been shoved up their arse, so painful did it look. Rarely did a pass go to the man and when it did the opposition moved in quicker than a wife with a job list to shut them down. Half time came and the Relics must have felt like Gosford the week before, down 4 blot, the only difference was that Gosford didn't concede a goal in the second half.

The Relics sucked big time and the number 8 for Toukley was made to look like Harry Kewell in comparison, not easy when you consider his brain had been fried by magic mushies, even their 63 year old striker was made to look sharp even though he was carrying a colostomy bag in his shorts. At the back Toukleys backs ruled the roost getting to the ball quicker and with more energy than the shell shocked Relics, this mob just wanted it more than the Relics!

On a positive note most of the relics tried hard, none more than Flemo & Steve O who toiled hard on the left side, Flemo almost pulled off the header of the year but the Toukley Keeper who had a great game pulled off a sensational save.

Back to the drawing board for coach Philby and trainer Shadow.

THE TINKERER

Coach Philby scratches his head after tinkering with starting line up.

Coach Philby was inspired after reading Claudio Rainieri's autbiography "Tinkering for the fun of it". More details to follow

Line Up Game 2

OFFSIDE FOR DUMMIES VOL. 1

Star recruit looking like a stunned mullet
after assistant referee with automated arm
pulls him up 17 times in 1 games. Check
the link to see what you are doing wrong
Pullo... 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE9j1g_LVxM

Game one of the year saw the much hyped new look Relics taking on the cavemen from Gosford at Hylton moore park. Whilst most of the Relics did the right thing and had a quiet Friday night before the game, coach Philby and a couple of players let their hair down at the Roos season launch. Obviously nervous as to how they were going to perform on Saturday the group were reported to be drinking anything and everything, backslapping each other and saying "I love youse all". Needless to say Coach Philby had to be escorted from the venue.

This behaviour may have distracted the Relics in the past but the team turned up at the game with a steely look of determination in their eyes, all bar Macca who had more of a bloodshot vacant look in his.

The game got under way in front of a respectable away crowd, many came to see for themselves whether or not this new look franchise would succeed or implode. The Relics took the game by the scruff of the neck right from the start, the Gosford defence had more gaps than a Tolley smile and the Relics midfield and forwards took full advantage. Wave after wave of Relic attack ensued and eventually the Cavemen succumbed. Pullo, Coops & Howler all potted goals with Flemo going close with a long range bomb that deserved a goal. At this point everything was humming along nicely, there was plenty of room to move up front and on the flanks and the Relics played accordingly, Tolley came on for Howler and quickly added his name to the scorers sheet.

At the back the Relics were solid, mind you Gosford didn't have much, some would say they had nothing at all!

So it wasn't surprising to see goalkeeper Smokey sneaking a fag and bourbon during the game, why not ? he had nothing else to do !

Half time couldn't come quick enough for Gosford who with no subs were out on their feet and ready to roll over, it was just a question of how many would the Relics score in the second half. As it turned out they scored NONE !!

Not that Gosford played any better, they did play a bit smarter and moved everyone back in goals which made it a bit harder to squeeze one through. The Relics played almost the whole half in Gosfords end with a thousand opportunities denied by the Gosford keeper and the lines woman, who took great delight in pulling up Pullo for offside on 5 occasions, a new Relic offside record ! Coupled with the yellow card he received, Pullo is now shaping as most likely to fill the goalkeeping position next week.

The Relics received one scare late in the game when a defensive lapse at the back allowed a lone caveman to sneak through to a one on one with Smokey, fortunately the caveman ran like he had a club up his arse and in the time he took to get to the six yard line Smokey had time to finish his smoke, comb his hair, adjust his tackle and make a great save!!

After the game the Relics were left to lament their missed opportunities, but hey if we won by 10 whose to say we wouldn't get moved up to the A's. Lets just be happy that we won convincingly with no apparent injuries and that Pullo is going to play keeper from now on, we can put Dallas up front cause we know he's not quick enough to get offside.

The game was played in good spirits and the new guys to the team all played great, welcome to the team fellas. Lets look forward to a fun and competitive year for the Relics in 2014.

Get a load of the MOJO !!!

Dave, John and Brian.  You missed it!!  forget about yesterday's game, somebody will mention that but I want to celebrate the post match achievements. Many years ago when Dave Allan and I started talking about an over 45s, a key thing was that the team had to also get on off the field.  Last year we lost this a bit , But yesterday post match was brilliant.  The level of repartee and banter was at Olympic Gold level. This team has a wonderful variety of people, who are all expert at cutting down tall poppies, especially our so called strikers.  There was another match going on, but mostly we had our backs turned to it, way too interested in making sure we didn't miss any of the cutting comments. Lots and lots of laughter, great smart aleck smack downs, all washed down with good cheer and beer. 90 minutes after our win, it was still going, and if the esky had been bigger we'd probably still be there.  I sat ( not quietly) soaking it all in, revelling in hearing this wonderful TEAM environment.  An ageing member of the Original Relics summed it up to me when he said " The teams got its Mojo back". Great to see Vic and Wiz there as well, Dave Cullen where are you? I'm sure you would have still been able to contribute. And Brian popped in and then sped away wailing, sorry he couldn't be with us for longer. Keep this up guys and I will be able to retire, knowing that the Relics purpose and legacy is in great hands.  Yeah we play for the game, but surely it's this bonhomie , the fact that we still can play, we should be grateful for it,  and enjoy it and our team mates , that's really why we still play. Welcome to 2014 season everyone. Hat

Welcome back to all the ardent Relic followers.
Year 2014 is upon us and the Relics have a new look starting line up. Over the off season , super coach Philby has been a busy little Vegemite making several " back alley" style deals with players of ill repute!!!
Sick of being lambasted by every man and his dog in the streets of Kincumber every Monday after another inept performance by the Town's number one football team, Philby decided to get tough and bring in the heavy artillery.
In a scene that could rival the NRL's Super League war, Philby went dirty............some would say he went too far......... some could say he had no alternative....... some could say he was just drunk, but at the end of the day Philby just did what he had to do......... Get this miserable team of useless old pricks off the lounge and back into calculation for a frickin title!
Just how he was going to do this became a matter of conjecture. The Relics have always had a proud heritage of being keen footballers with next to no skill, sure they can drink and debauch with the best of teams but compete on the field ? well that was another matter.
Philby needed a fresh approach, he initially thought of bringing she boys in from Thailand, they couldn't play any better than the Relics but they sure could distract the opposition long enough to score a goal or two. he dropped this idea when he realised he would have to marry each one to get them into the country. HMMM what to do ?
Drunk and disorderly leaving a Shim bar in Gosford one night Philby was bailed up in a dark alley and told that a band of Allstar soccer mercenaries may be available to help out his situation. Apparently this band of merry soccer sluts would play for any team for the right price, Philby was hooked."I'll do it for the team" Philby screamed.
And so it came to pass that the Allstars, once despised by the Relics would now become their team mates, and as one they would take on the might of the 45Bs soccer competition. The only question that remains is what price did Philby pay??