Line up 4

HEATED CLASH EXPECTED

Member of special security team recruited to keep passionate Relic V Allstar followers apart!

"PROOF"

The CCFA are up in arms at incontrovertible evidence that other enticements have been forthcoming to lure marquee players to the 'Allstars'.
Legendary striker Tinman seen here in the boat that was part of his sign on package for 2010 was a master signing for the 'Allstars'. It is believed a years supply of Pilchards from Ettalong Bait & Tackle was also thrown into the deal to secure Tinman for the year.

Flemos Fifty

Hi Guys.

As mentioned on Saturday. Invite below refers.

Entire team and partners are invited but please no children.

Encourage your wives to come along for the match if possible.

Parties Saturday 22 May

Venue 1

Time 1.45 pm Frost Reserve, Kincumber 1

Fleming Family marquees including nibblies and drinks
Come and cheer the Relics on (especially Steve) in their match.

Venue 2

Time 4.15 pm 16 Kingfisher Close, Kincumber

BBQ and party
Food,Bubbly & Wine Supplied. BYO Beer/Spirits

We will eat early (6 ish) as actual Birthday is Sunday 23rd and he has to work that day

RSVP

Rosanna or Kristy Tel 02 4369 7268. Email Flash_flemo@hotmail.com

No Presents Please

This weekend (4)

Day	Date	Time	Home	Grade	Away	Gound
Saturday	1-May	13:00	KIL	G45	BUD	JUB1 - Jubilee Oval 1
Saturday	1-May	13:15	KIN 1	G45	DOY	KIN2 - Frost Reserve 2
Saturday	1-May	14:00	GOS	G45	BER	GOS1 - Gavenlock Oval 1
Saturday	1-May	15:00	KIN 2	G45	AVO	KIN2 - Frost Reserve 2

Please be at Frost field 2, by 2:30pm.

The Relics?

The name issue has certainly raised some opinions and I understand it will be a topic of discussion at the team eskys’ on Wednesday night. At present we have the following names:
Kincumber 1 - ?
Kincumber 2 – The Relics
Berkely Vale - The Rustics
Budgewoi – Budgie Smugglers
(Cobwebs)
Avoca – The Gumbies (Gummies)
Doyalson – The Wolves
Gosford – The Cavemen
Killarney – The Tossils (Fossils)

Can we have two teams with same name? Is the Relics a club name? Is it owned by a team? Some suggestions for other names have been forwarded to me from a range of sources:
The Allstars, The Flintstones, The Neanderthals, The Dinosaurs, The Barnacles, The Brentwoods’, The Homo Erectus’, The Missing Links, The Coprolites, The Storm, The Pensioners, The Veterans, The Living Dead, The Zombies, The Grateful Dead,The Ancients, The Trojans, and The Spartans.

Relics Squander Opportunities

The Relics have suffered a sobering 1-0 loss against Doyalson in the third match of the 2010 season. Despite dominating field position for the entire match the Relics went under due to their inability to finish. Crowch tried numerous striking combinations throughout the match and it must be concerning him deeply that his front line is finding it difficult to hit the back of the net.

The Relics began the match confidently. Bung, in particular, seems to have found a new lease on life in the last two matches. He is pushing his athletic frame to the limits and it is probably no coincidence that this new fire in the belly is due to Crowch’s announcement that the man of the match each week wins a can of beer!

Banker, as usual, dominated the aerial exchanges and with his back three comrades easily repelled any attacking raid mounted by the aged wolves. Shadow owned the middle of the park combining well with the Hat, Howler, Blackbeard, Darchinyan and the ubiquitous Axe.

At the start of the match Howler, however, looked lost, probably because we were playing the Wolves and he could sense some Canidae familiarity. He soon, however, joined his team-mates making numerous strong runs down the right flank (the backside sniffing, however, was a little off putting).

The Axe, having his best match to-date treated the crowd to all of his tricks. He combined is back heels, head flicks, shoulder pushes and knee jabs well with his wildebeest-like running. It is obvious that no opponent relishes the task of marking the Axe! Axe also has joined Becks in releasing his own brand of women’s body spray. It is understood that each can of ‘Axe’ contains actual body sweat from the great man himself. It is also understood that ‘Axe’ is being sold through Coles, Kincumber and Bi-Lo Greenpoint. C’mon girls smother yourself in the scent of ‘Axe’. Axe is also considering a new business venture, a boot camp for women, featuring an exercise regime specifically designed by the Axe.




At 0-0 at half time a clearly frustrated Relics skipper the Hat urged his chargers to stop XXXXin’ around and to ‘take the shot’.


The second half started disastrously for the Relics as the Wolves pushed a ball through the backline to find one of their own looming onto the ball to push it past old Smokey. The Wolves only really threatened twice in the entire match, but were able to convert one of these!

In the final twenty minutes the Relics were relentless in attack but could not find that elusive equalizer. Crowch must find a coaching answer to the scoring dilemma. A loss to 2009 wooden spooners the Gumbies next week may see the Relics lose touch with the top four. Crowch will need to put team egos aside and really drive his team hard on Wednesday night.
Becks

Posh shines despite loss

Posh looking firm and strong prior to implant collapse. Unfortunately surgeons have so far been unable to lift the silicon from the belly region. If you look closely though you will see that radical Hormone Replacement Therapy, whilst having no affect on implants, have definately had a benificial side effect and she/he is now a more robust, ballsy kind of player.

NO ONE TOUCHES MY ESKY.....

In a quickly convened press conference Coach Roy blatantly refutes any third party payments including cash, clothing or drinks in kind. The threat of stripping competition points for the 2010 season, the inability of accruing any further points and the running of 2 books he says is just to deflect attention from the disappointing loss suffered in yesterday’s game against Doyalson and the pain that will be inflicted by their coach at their next training session.

He went on to say that any allegations that might lead to the tainting of his good name would be met head on in the courts.

During the meeting held at the Kincumber Hotel after the RelicsAllstars win against the Tossils club official Jim Davies assured Coach Roy that this storm in a teacup will just blow over.

Kincumber All Stars Lose Points - Salary Cap Breach

In a day of Central Coast Football sensation and high drama the Kincumber All Stars have been stripped of all competition points for the 2010 season and will be unable to accrue any further points. At 9.00am this morning Central Coast Football spokesman Barry Nettheim told a waiting media scrum outside his Erina office that the All Stars had systematically rorted the o/45 salary cap regulations. He said, "how could a team with so much player talent pretend for one second that they are under the cap!" He added "this is no storm in a teacup"

Kincumber Football Club official Jim Davies is currently considering his position as it was also revealed that he, in conjunction with All Stars manager Roy O'Hara, were keeping two sets of books. Former Relic Roy assembled the All Stars this year and it is believed that inducements were offered to all players, apart from Diamond Reid, in order to secure their services. It is believed that Diamond Reid was not on Roy's talent hitlist.

The second book revealed that some players are able to draw cans of beer from the team esky at no cost, while the more elite players in the team roster were offered free team kit from the club's lost property box.

Investigations continue...

Other Results.

Bud 3 - Gos 1

Kil 0 - Kin1 1

Avo 2 - Ber 0

Disappointing Loss.

The game that looked to be in the bag at half time was lost 0 - 1.

Coaches points,

Rob 3 - Tolly 2 - Vic 1

3 - 2 - 1 Coaches Match Points

3 -2 -1 Points will be given out by Crow'çh after every game. The player given 3 points will be the coaches player of the match and will receive a FREE BEER. The player to have the most points at the end of the season will be awarded coaches player of the year.

Previous match point winners were,

Game 1, Rob 3 - Dave G 2 - Phil 1

Game 2, Shadow 3 - Max 2 - Ian 1

TOO BAD IF YOU DIDN'T

GET YOUR FREE BEER

Line up 3

This weekend (3)

Day	Date	Time	Home	Grade	Away	Gound
Saturday	24-Apr	13:00	KIL	G45	KIN 1	JUB1 - Jubilee Oval 1
Saturday	24-Apr	13:00	AVO	G45	BER	AVO1 - Erina High School 1
Saturday	24-Apr	13:00	BUD	G45	GOS	BUD1 - Budgewoi FC 1
Saturday	24- Apr	13:00	KIN 2	G45	DOY	KIN1 - Frost Reserve 1

Please be at Frost 1, by 12:30pm.

ESKY BURSTING AT THE SEAMS

To cater for the Relics Hard-Earned Thirst at the end of the game. The esky now stocks VB, Tooheys, XXXX, Bourbon & Coke and Soft Drink.

Some suggestion that the ageing relics might need bar staff.

Smokey

Smokey is an entirely appropriate name for our keeper knowing that smoke will always rise above a 'Mountain'

Smokey Gets Thirsty Too !

Its tough work watching those glory boy forwards hogging all the limelight. Tougher still when you have the refined taste to not drink beer. I know BB can't be expected to stock everybodys favourite (otherwise the Toe and I would have SchofferHoffer!) but please can we slip one of these into the Esky for Smokey, otherwise any of us may find ourselves in goal instead!! I'll even provide a four can special esky.

The Toe - post match recovery

Wreckin ball warms up before match

Shadow's goal against Cavemen - footage found

Crowch practises jig for match against Doylo

The Shadow Stars in Emphatic Relics Win

Veteran Relics ace, Shadow, turned the clock back several decades, using deft touches combined with striking firepower, to guide the Relics to a comfortable 3-1 win over the Gosford Cavemen.

Others to shine, in what was a solid team effort were Blackbeard, Banker, Ball and Bung.

Bung, formerly known as Maximillion, is a football court jester of the highest spirits. Bung dug into his bag of tricks on numerous occasions, running rings around the hapless Cavemen. Bung, again showed his versatility after the match, by being the first and last Relic to draw a can of beer from the esky.


The Relics began the match in scintillating form. With some great passing and player movement the Relics were able to quickly turn defence into attack and it wasn’t long before Blackbeard loomed onto a ball in the box to push one past the Caveman with the gloves. In his post-goal exuberance Blackbeard was lucky not to earn a yellow card as he regaled the crowd in jolly revelry. It has obviously been a long time between drinks for our own Captain Sparrow.

Crowch scored the Relics’ third goal and it came after he was ‘johnny on the spot’ in a scrap between attack and defence in front of the Cavemen goal.Not to be outdone in the celebration stakes, Crowch, was the lord of the dance during his post-goal jig.

Shadow’s goal, however, was all class. As he weaved his way past several Cavemen, Shadow found himself in space 50m from goal when he noticed the goalkeeper had drifted a metre too far forward. Much to the delight and urging of the crowd Shadow then fired the mitre, like a cannon ball, over the head the awestruck goalie. There were no theatrics and no histrionics. Shadow calmly turned and jogged nonchalantly back to the centre circle.

Marquee signing Ian “?” George, returning from a career threatening injury, looked the goods during a thirty minute stint in the midfield. No doubt he and Shadow will form a formidable combination in the centre of the park.

Smokey, again impressed in goals, unlucky not keep a clean sheet. He fell victim to a perfectly placed corner which curled into the top right corner of the net. Smokey threw himself at the ball and got a hand to it but that was not enough to stop the goal.

The Relics’ completely controlled this match and they should have won by many more goals. Numerous opportunities were squandered, particularly in the second half (it was 3-1 at half time). Statue, nursing a broken nose, went within an ace of scoring 20m from goal. Strikers Darchinyan, Axe and Howler had the ball at their feet many times in the goal box but were unable to convert. Darchinyan, in particular, will be keen to recapture the award winning form of season 2009.


The Relics brain truss (Crowch and Hat) would be concerned about this lack of finishing and will no doubt be looking to an improved effort from the strikers in the next match against Doyalson.

Becks

Other results

AVO 1 DOY 2

BUD 1 KIN1 1

KIL 13 BER 0

Relics Savour Victory on April 17

The Relics 3- Gosford 1. Match report to follow. For those avid fans in the US who follow our blog it was April 16 your time!!

Line up 2

Coach not impressed.

WTF

This weekend (2)

Day	Date	Time	Home	Grade	Away	Gound
Saturday	17-Apr	13:00	KIL	G45	BER	JUB1 - Jubilee Oval 1
Saturday	17-Apr	13:20	AVO	G45	DOY	AVO1 - Erina High School 1
Saturday	17-Apr	14:15	BUD	G45	KIN 1	BUD1 - Budgewoi FC 1
Saturday	17- Apr	15:00	KIN 2	G45	GOS	KIN1 - Frost Reserve 1

Please be at Frost 1, by 2:30pm.

Its back.

Know the Noggins???

Beer Drought Adds to Relics’ Woes

Amid stifling heat and a narrow 1-0 defeat at the hands of o/45 newcomers the Berkeley Vale Rustics (BVR), the Relics looked a forlorn mob post match as the esky ran dry within 15 minutes. New Beer Bitch, Roid Man, was busy trying to find a hole to hide in as The Hat’s mum and Relic after Relic ventured to an empty esky looking for sustenance. Message to BB from your fellow Relics – lift your game!

The Hat, wearing the captain’s arm-band for the first time this season continued the team’s proud tradition of losing the toss (he obviously learnt well from Mickledinho). Running uphill, into the wind and a piercing sun, a new-look Relics outfit hit the field eager to impress against BVR.

The first half was tough for the Relics. BVR pushed the ball around well and seemed to have options at every juncture of play. The Relics were at sixes and sevens battling to effectively mark up on their opponents. If it wasn’t for some great defensive play from the Relics’ back four the Relics may well have been down two or three goals at half time. In the end the Relics went to the break 0-0.

As the weary Relics sought the half-time shade a number looked at the team esky licking their lips in anticipation with many making comments like: “I can’t wait for a beer at full-time” and “I hope BB has packed plenty of VB.”

Crowtch took a calm approach to his half time talk. He noted the efforts his team was making and made some significant changes to the team’s defensive patterns. He instructed every man except for Banker to mark up on a player. This initially confused new keeper Smokey who parked himself in the opponent’s goal mouth for the commencement of the second half.

The second half was a much different affair. Crowtch’s instructions worked a treat and the Relics’ dominated the majority of this period. Apart from one minor blemish which resulted in an unremarkable BVR goal, the Relics were unlucky not to win the match, particularly as BVR brought everyman back in defence for the final 10 minutes following their goal. This pussy ploy was obviously due to the Relics' dominance in the final 20 minutes and BVR’s respect for the Relics’ attacking machine.

New Relics Wrecking Ball, Wild Thing and Smokey had great games. With sweat beading down his glimmering globe Wrecking Ball was everywhere. He combined deft passing with resolute defence. WB will be an asset is season 2010. One criticism, however, came from Banker who indicated post match that he was often blinded by the glare emanating from WB’s shiny orb. It is understood that on sunny days Crowtch will request that WB wear a scarf. Some fellow Relics even suggested a mask or balaclava!

Wild Thing, obviously playing up to a devoted fan club, rattled the bones of a number of Rustics with some excellent front on defence. WT, too, has impressed fellow Relics and a great season in 2010 is also assured.

New keeper Smokey, who has been ultra impressive in trial games, looked the goods in the first competitive hit out. Smokey will be a vital cog in the Relics machine this season and he will fill the vacant keeper position nicely in 2010.

Bring on Gosford!

Becks