Relics Squander Opportunities

The Relics have suffered a sobering 1-0 loss against Doyalson in the third match of the 2010 season. Despite dominating field position for the entire match the Relics went under due to their inability to finish. Crowch tried numerous striking combinations throughout the match and it must be concerning him deeply that his front line is finding it difficult to hit the back of the net.

The Relics began the match confidently. Bung, in particular, seems to have found a new lease on life in the last two matches. He is pushing his athletic frame to the limits and it is probably no coincidence that this new fire in the belly is due to Crowch’s announcement that the man of the match each week wins a can of beer!

Banker, as usual, dominated the aerial exchanges and with his back three comrades easily repelled any attacking raid mounted by the aged wolves. Shadow owned the middle of the park combining well with the Hat, Howler, Blackbeard, Darchinyan and the ubiquitous Axe.

At the start of the match Howler, however, looked lost, probably because we were playing the Wolves and he could sense some Canidae familiarity. He soon, however, joined his team-mates making numerous strong runs down the right flank (the backside sniffing, however, was a little off putting).

The Axe, having his best match to-date treated the crowd to all of his tricks. He combined is back heels, head flicks, shoulder pushes and knee jabs well with his wildebeest-like running. It is obvious that no opponent relishes the task of marking the Axe! Axe also has joined Becks in releasing his own brand of women’s body spray. It is understood that each can of ‘Axe’ contains actual body sweat from the great man himself. It is also understood that ‘Axe’ is being sold through Coles, Kincumber and Bi-Lo Greenpoint. C’mon girls smother yourself in the scent of ‘Axe’. Axe is also considering a new business venture, a boot camp for women, featuring an exercise regime specifically designed by the Axe.




At 0-0 at half time a clearly frustrated Relics skipper the Hat urged his chargers to stop XXXXin’ around and to ‘take the shot’.


The second half started disastrously for the Relics as the Wolves pushed a ball through the backline to find one of their own looming onto the ball to push it past old Smokey. The Wolves only really threatened twice in the entire match, but were able to convert one of these!

In the final twenty minutes the Relics were relentless in attack but could not find that elusive equalizer. Crowch must find a coaching answer to the scoring dilemma. A loss to 2009 wooden spooners the Gumbies next week may see the Relics lose touch with the top four. Crowch will need to put team egos aside and really drive his team hard on Wednesday night.
Becks