The Shadow Stars in Emphatic Relics Win

Veteran Relics ace, Shadow, turned the clock back several decades, using deft touches combined with striking firepower, to guide the Relics to a comfortable 3-1 win over the Gosford Cavemen.

Others to shine, in what was a solid team effort were Blackbeard, Banker, Ball and Bung.

Bung, formerly known as Maximillion, is a football court jester of the highest spirits. Bung dug into his bag of tricks on numerous occasions, running rings around the hapless Cavemen. Bung, again showed his versatility after the match, by being the first and last Relic to draw a can of beer from the esky.


The Relics began the match in scintillating form. With some great passing and player movement the Relics were able to quickly turn defence into attack and it wasn’t long before Blackbeard loomed onto a ball in the box to push one past the Caveman with the gloves. In his post-goal exuberance Blackbeard was lucky not to earn a yellow card as he regaled the crowd in jolly revelry. It has obviously been a long time between drinks for our own Captain Sparrow.

Crowch scored the Relics’ third goal and it came after he was ‘johnny on the spot’ in a scrap between attack and defence in front of the Cavemen goal.Not to be outdone in the celebration stakes, Crowch, was the lord of the dance during his post-goal jig.

Shadow’s goal, however, was all class. As he weaved his way past several Cavemen, Shadow found himself in space 50m from goal when he noticed the goalkeeper had drifted a metre too far forward. Much to the delight and urging of the crowd Shadow then fired the mitre, like a cannon ball, over the head the awestruck goalie. There were no theatrics and no histrionics. Shadow calmly turned and jogged nonchalantly back to the centre circle.

Marquee signing Ian “?” George, returning from a career threatening injury, looked the goods during a thirty minute stint in the midfield. No doubt he and Shadow will form a formidable combination in the centre of the park.

Smokey, again impressed in goals, unlucky not keep a clean sheet. He fell victim to a perfectly placed corner which curled into the top right corner of the net. Smokey threw himself at the ball and got a hand to it but that was not enough to stop the goal.

The Relics’ completely controlled this match and they should have won by many more goals. Numerous opportunities were squandered, particularly in the second half (it was 3-1 at half time). Statue, nursing a broken nose, went within an ace of scoring 20m from goal. Strikers Darchinyan, Axe and Howler had the ball at their feet many times in the goal box but were unable to convert. Darchinyan, in particular, will be keen to recapture the award winning form of season 2009.


The Relics brain truss (Crowch and Hat) would be concerned about this lack of finishing and will no doubt be looking to an improved effort from the strikers in the next match against Doyalson.

Becks