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Sunday, July 15, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Relics Guessing Competition
Please place the following in order from best to worst
(A) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb6Q1ycyFWE
(B) Waz’s effort against the Wolves
(C) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlFQGVLj6eo
(D) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGbovgVURk0
(E) Waz’s effort against the Gumbies
(F) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_3cABZzvc8
(G) Waz’s next effort
First correct effort gets a prize!
David
HOT DIGGIDY DOGS
Tuesday night saw the RELICS back in action at the scene of last Saturdays crime, this time playing a catch up match against the old foe the Avoca GUMBIES.
Many of the RELICS who played on Saturday were very surprised to see TOLLY at Tuesdays game after he had told them all he was COMMITTED, we all assumed wife SHARON had finally had enough & signed the paper work to have him taken away, alas that was not the case & TOLLY was allowed out to play with strict instructions to only drink from a yellow can & to always stay under the supervision of son JOSH.
Coach WAZ on the other hand was dealing with the demons inside his own head. A well chronicled missed penalty in Saturdays game & a power struggle with the ASS BIN coach for control of the RELICS found him trying to regain favour within the team by offering Hot dogs after the game. Why the owner of a pizza shop would bribe the team with hot dogs was a mystery.
RELIC numbers were bolstered for the match by the return of several players, the GUMBIES had several new faces as well, many with POMMIE accents, SHADOW for once felt right at home. After being tied to the bed for the last 2 weeks by his fiancee & looking a little drained SHADOW was keen to have a run & get some feeling back into the lower part of his body.
TOE thinking he was on to a dirty week away with CATHY, had to return to the coast when they discovered son DANIEL had stowed away in the car boot, TOE bought the offending juvenile back with him with the plan of leaving him at Pluim Park & taking off when he wasn't watching.
In cold & damp conditions the game got under way, the first half was tight with both sides defending well, VIC & ASS BIN both took up from where they left off on Saturday chasing everything & getting the team moving. WAZ at the back once again had the backs working overtime & thwarted many a GUMBIE incersion, it seemed WAZ & ASS BIN were determined to be the best player on the pitch such was the intensity of their play.
ASS BIN finally got one up when he launched a kick from 30 odd metres out that struck the crossbar & dropped down in the field of play, TOLLY was onto it like a fly on shit & whilst he thought about back heeling it, sanity prevailed & he tapped it in.
The RELICS dug in for the rest of the half totally frustrating the GUMBIES, particularly their #3, this poor excuse for a footballer was giving it to whoever he could both verbally & physically, even his own teammates weren't spared. His poor form & lack of sportmanship spread to a few other players within his team which in the long run helped the RELICS to keep a focus on winning..... THANKS FAT BOY!!
The second half & the game continued at much the same pace, neither side really threatened & the slippery conditions were making it hard to control the ball. A clumsy tackle from the GUMBIES in their box earned the RELICS a penalty, you beauty thought the RELICS................and then........ SHIT!!! thought the RELICS who's gunna kick this ?
WHEATS grabbed the ball & held it up like an offering to the soccer gods...." please gods show us who should kick this " pleaded WHEATS, & then under his breath "pick me, pick me"...... WAZ as is his way, strode up to WHEATS & dispossessed him of the ball "phew that was close" thought the soccer gods. WAZ looked around at his teammates "anyone keen ?" Lots of shifty glances & hands on hips accompanied by some nervous coughs was all that greeted WAZ's question, except for WHEATS who was saying " pick me, pick me ". WAZ decided as captain & coach to shoulder the responsibility & take the shot. And the result....... NEVER MIND !
The RELICS could have dwelled on this missed opportunity as could have WAZ, but to everyones credit they didn't, & for the rest of the half they ran, attacked & defended like their lives depended on it. No one likes to lose to smart mouthed, ill mannered POMMIES, that's just the AUSTRALIAN way. The RELICS had one more opportunity late in the half when VIC took off up field & got himself into a one on one with the keeper, a nice chip over almost came off.
As the final whistle blew the RELICS could breath easy, a strong win in difficult conditions, always a good tonic for a team low on confidence. WAZ always a man of his word marshalled the RELICS to the carpark to feast on hotdogs & beer, and whilst the dogs were as cold as the beer & the bread rolls were almost as old as SHADOW it didn't matter, it was still a fitting reward for a hard fought win!
Many of the RELICS who played on Saturday were very surprised to see TOLLY at Tuesdays game after he had told them all he was COMMITTED, we all assumed wife SHARON had finally had enough & signed the paper work to have him taken away, alas that was not the case & TOLLY was allowed out to play with strict instructions to only drink from a yellow can & to always stay under the supervision of son JOSH.
Coach WAZ on the other hand was dealing with the demons inside his own head. A well chronicled missed penalty in Saturdays game & a power struggle with the ASS BIN coach for control of the RELICS found him trying to regain favour within the team by offering Hot dogs after the game. Why the owner of a pizza shop would bribe the team with hot dogs was a mystery.
RELIC numbers were bolstered for the match by the return of several players, the GUMBIES had several new faces as well, many with POMMIE accents, SHADOW for once felt right at home. After being tied to the bed for the last 2 weeks by his fiancee & looking a little drained SHADOW was keen to have a run & get some feeling back into the lower part of his body.
TOE thinking he was on to a dirty week away with CATHY, had to return to the coast when they discovered son DANIEL had stowed away in the car boot, TOE bought the offending juvenile back with him with the plan of leaving him at Pluim Park & taking off when he wasn't watching.
In cold & damp conditions the game got under way, the first half was tight with both sides defending well, VIC & ASS BIN both took up from where they left off on Saturday chasing everything & getting the team moving. WAZ at the back once again had the backs working overtime & thwarted many a GUMBIE incersion, it seemed WAZ & ASS BIN were determined to be the best player on the pitch such was the intensity of their play.
ASS BIN finally got one up when he launched a kick from 30 odd metres out that struck the crossbar & dropped down in the field of play, TOLLY was onto it like a fly on shit & whilst he thought about back heeling it, sanity prevailed & he tapped it in.
The RELICS dug in for the rest of the half totally frustrating the GUMBIES, particularly their #3, this poor excuse for a footballer was giving it to whoever he could both verbally & physically, even his own teammates weren't spared. His poor form & lack of sportmanship spread to a few other players within his team which in the long run helped the RELICS to keep a focus on winning..... THANKS FAT BOY!!
The second half & the game continued at much the same pace, neither side really threatened & the slippery conditions were making it hard to control the ball. A clumsy tackle from the GUMBIES in their box earned the RELICS a penalty, you beauty thought the RELICS................and then........ SHIT!!! thought the RELICS who's gunna kick this ?
WHEATS grabbed the ball & held it up like an offering to the soccer gods...." please gods show us who should kick this " pleaded WHEATS, & then under his breath "pick me, pick me"...... WAZ as is his way, strode up to WHEATS & dispossessed him of the ball "phew that was close" thought the soccer gods. WAZ looked around at his teammates "anyone keen ?" Lots of shifty glances & hands on hips accompanied by some nervous coughs was all that greeted WAZ's question, except for WHEATS who was saying " pick me, pick me ". WAZ decided as captain & coach to shoulder the responsibility & take the shot. And the result....... NEVER MIND !
The RELICS could have dwelled on this missed opportunity as could have WAZ, but to everyones credit they didn't, & for the rest of the half they ran, attacked & defended like their lives depended on it. No one likes to lose to smart mouthed, ill mannered POMMIES, that's just the AUSTRALIAN way. The RELICS had one more opportunity late in the half when VIC took off up field & got himself into a one on one with the keeper, a nice chip over almost came off.
As the final whistle blew the RELICS could breath easy, a strong win in difficult conditions, always a good tonic for a team low on confidence. WAZ always a man of his word marshalled the RELICS to the carpark to feast on hotdogs & beer, and whilst the dogs were as cold as the beer & the bread rolls were almost as old as SHADOW it didn't matter, it was still a fitting reward for a hard fought win!
Howler
Match Report - from Grant & Daniel
I love turning up to a game and only recognising half the opposition and I love it even better when we win against them.
Coming away with a win on the weekend a few of their players weren't happy that we were standing up to them and taking the game to them.
There were tackles from behind , pushes in the back , late tackles , high shots and a lot of trash talk.
As a whole we tended to ignore them & eventually the referee started to tire of their tactics and we started to see some free kicks going our way.
Some cards should have been handed out from the Ref who started the match explaining how hard he was and he would dispense cards at will. However he wasn't too bad apart from the lack of cards.
Positive signs from the match - Whiz marshalling the team from the back organising the backs to attack and mark up as required.
The halves forward and backward runs and the forwards constantly pressuring the Avoca goal.
Bella once again pulled off some great catches , palmed away a couple of shots and sent the ball flying up the field.
Dave steadied the back line and wouldn't give away any ground.
Shadow great stopping and turning and passing the ball to the halves.
Whiz always looking for opportunities to pass to players or press forwards.
Tony played a solid game looking for space to pass forwards.
Rob tested his knee out which held up for him and managed to bounce a couple of players.
Wheats kept passing and attacking.
Phil great running both in attack and defence and set up the goal - poached by Tolly.
Tolly great in attack an kept the opponents guessing.
Laurie maintained great control in the mids.
Greg ran everywhere down the sideline attacking and defending well.
Vic running the best he has for a long time and looking for the holes in their defence.
Spaldo used his body to shield the ball from Avoca and passed it wide.
John kept going hard at goal.
Grant kept the ball away from Bella as much as possible.
Mick ran the bench beautifully.
After all the crap we put up with from them during the game we decided to use stalling tactics to slow the game down in our favour in the last few minutes. Constant changes , slow throws and Shadow taking inspiration from the Italian Football team - he was hit hard - but had to stay down when the Ref enquired as to his health.
Pity about Whiz's penalty but thanks for the Hot Dogs!
Also thanks to our supporters who turned up on a cold night.
Coming away with a win on the weekend a few of their players weren't happy that we were standing up to them and taking the game to them.
There were tackles from behind , pushes in the back , late tackles , high shots and a lot of trash talk.
As a whole we tended to ignore them & eventually the referee started to tire of their tactics and we started to see some free kicks going our way.
Some cards should have been handed out from the Ref who started the match explaining how hard he was and he would dispense cards at will. However he wasn't too bad apart from the lack of cards.
Positive signs from the match - Whiz marshalling the team from the back organising the backs to attack and mark up as required.
The halves forward and backward runs and the forwards constantly pressuring the Avoca goal.
Bella once again pulled off some great catches , palmed away a couple of shots and sent the ball flying up the field.
Dave steadied the back line and wouldn't give away any ground.
Shadow great stopping and turning and passing the ball to the halves.
Whiz always looking for opportunities to pass to players or press forwards.
Tony played a solid game looking for space to pass forwards.
Rob tested his knee out which held up for him and managed to bounce a couple of players.
Wheats kept passing and attacking.
Phil great running both in attack and defence and set up the goal - poached by Tolly.
Tolly great in attack an kept the opponents guessing.
Laurie maintained great control in the mids.
Greg ran everywhere down the sideline attacking and defending well.
Vic running the best he has for a long time and looking for the holes in their defence.
Spaldo used his body to shield the ball from Avoca and passed it wide.
John kept going hard at goal.
Grant kept the ball away from Bella as much as possible.
Mick ran the bench beautifully.
After all the crap we put up with from them during the game we decided to use stalling tactics to slow the game down in our favour in the last few minutes. Constant changes , slow throws and Shadow taking inspiration from the Italian Football team - he was hit hard - but had to stay down when the Ref enquired as to his health.
Pity about Whiz's penalty but thanks for the Hot Dogs!
Also thanks to our supporters who turned up on a cold night.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
BABY RELICS FALTER AT FINAL HURDLE
After last weeks encouraging result against Woy Woy the RELICS entered yesterdays game against lowly DOYLO full of confidence. With coach WAZ back in the team it was time to teach Doylo a lesson or two.
Coach Waz assuming he would slot back into his familiar midfield role received a rude shock from aspiring coach Ass BIN that he was in fact playing sweeper, the Relic squad looked on nervously expecting a possible blow up between the two, but professionalism prevailed and the selections stood.
Without a plethora of uninterested & injured players the Relics were forced to call up a couple of pups from the 35ds and like the Broncos, the Relics became the BABY RELICS for the day.
The first half & the BABY RELICS slotted straight into gear completely dominating the opposition all over the park, continuous raids down both sides of the field saw the BABY RELICS in many a goal scoring position. It didn't take long before a neat thru ball from Ass Bin put Howler into open space and much to the surprise of Howler & his teamates he duly slotted a goal Messi would be proud of.
Johnny the Jaffa, not to be out done found himself in a similar position soon after but zeroed in on the practice net off the field rather than the actual game net & managed to miss both. He soon made amends when he went one on one with the keeper and managed to drill one past him.
The 35s pups were unleashed onto the field and Mark & Pat quickly joined in on what was looming as a slaughter. Running the Doylo defence ragged the RELICS midfield, particularly Vic & Wheats were in total control and the passing between them & the forward line was a sight to behold. The backs were doing their job well with TOE & DALLAS put on a leash by WAZ & told to stick like glue to the opposition, DALLAS as usual took this literally & got up close & sticky with his opposite at every opportunity.
A pinpoint cross from WAZ almost resulted in goal 3. The ball skidded off the pitch past VICs outstretched leg straight to young pup PAT in front of an open goal, " here we go, here we go," sang the bench in anticipation of the upcoming tap in & PAT in true RELIC form managed to miss from 5 metres out. "Never mind lad", the older RELICS sighed "that happens a lot in this team, you"ll fit in well."
The BABY RELICS continued to dominate their older, more experienced & in some cases fatter opponents with ease, that is until probably Doylo's fattest player latched onto a ball from 20 metres out & with BELLA in two minds whether to come out or stay the result was GOALA.
Half time gave the BABY RELICS time to collect their thoughts & gave coach WAZ time to collect from TOLLY for the 6 back heel kicks he had incurred in the first half. " The DOYLO blokes reckon I do 'em really good' pleaded TOLLY. "You can f.....ing well play with Doylo if you do another one" retorted WAZ.
Back on the field in the second half and the game continued in the same vein as the first half. HEAD who thought he was actually playing with the 35ds was playing out of his skin (which is a big call because he has a lot of skin) bedazzling his opposite with petite footwork & sheer speed off the mark, so quick in fact the ref almost called time off when he chased a long ball because it took him so long to get to it.
To Doylos credit they managed to repel wave after wave of BABY RELICS attack, until Howler was bought down inside the box by their second fattest player and it seemed a mere formality that the BABY RELICS would convert the penalty. Up stepped coach WAZ always keen to increase his goal tally & without Wheats out there to challenge him for the job he was the only person that wanted to kick it, so he did......... straight to the keeper! TOLLY was heard to mutter " I would have done better with my back heel."
Meanwhile on the sideline the DILDO, doing a great job as the subman, felt a shiver run down his spine, he'd seen this kind of thing before, miss a penalty and the other mob score at the other end. Biting down on his corn cob pipe, scratching his chin & sounding like Walter Brennan ( the old guy in the John Wayne westerns) DILDO turned to the bench " I feels a bad things a gonna happen just mark my words"
Need I say any more!
well yes I do....... A great team effort where everyone contributed, & a big thanks to Mark & Pat, they both played great.
Once again though the Relics found a way not to win against a team that basically only had 2 half chances. "never mind lad that happens a lot in this team" sighed the Old RELICS as they trudged off to have a beer or two. "Things could be worse you know" someone was heard to say," Yeah we could be paying $3 for a beer instead of $2.50" someone quipped. ahhem ASS BIN interjected, "I have already had a meeting with myself & authorised that beer increase & by the way....... I also voted myself head coach at that same meeting."
Upon hearing this the DILDO felt that same shiver down his spine & thought to himself, I feels bad things a gonna happen just mark my words.
Howler
Coach Waz assuming he would slot back into his familiar midfield role received a rude shock from aspiring coach Ass BIN that he was in fact playing sweeper, the Relic squad looked on nervously expecting a possible blow up between the two, but professionalism prevailed and the selections stood.
Without a plethora of uninterested & injured players the Relics were forced to call up a couple of pups from the 35ds and like the Broncos, the Relics became the BABY RELICS for the day.
The first half & the BABY RELICS slotted straight into gear completely dominating the opposition all over the park, continuous raids down both sides of the field saw the BABY RELICS in many a goal scoring position. It didn't take long before a neat thru ball from Ass Bin put Howler into open space and much to the surprise of Howler & his teamates he duly slotted a goal Messi would be proud of.
Johnny the Jaffa, not to be out done found himself in a similar position soon after but zeroed in on the practice net off the field rather than the actual game net & managed to miss both. He soon made amends when he went one on one with the keeper and managed to drill one past him.
The 35s pups were unleashed onto the field and Mark & Pat quickly joined in on what was looming as a slaughter. Running the Doylo defence ragged the RELICS midfield, particularly Vic & Wheats were in total control and the passing between them & the forward line was a sight to behold. The backs were doing their job well with TOE & DALLAS put on a leash by WAZ & told to stick like glue to the opposition, DALLAS as usual took this literally & got up close & sticky with his opposite at every opportunity.
A pinpoint cross from WAZ almost resulted in goal 3. The ball skidded off the pitch past VICs outstretched leg straight to young pup PAT in front of an open goal, " here we go, here we go," sang the bench in anticipation of the upcoming tap in & PAT in true RELIC form managed to miss from 5 metres out. "Never mind lad", the older RELICS sighed "that happens a lot in this team, you"ll fit in well."
The BABY RELICS continued to dominate their older, more experienced & in some cases fatter opponents with ease, that is until probably Doylo's fattest player latched onto a ball from 20 metres out & with BELLA in two minds whether to come out or stay the result was GOALA.
Half time gave the BABY RELICS time to collect their thoughts & gave coach WAZ time to collect from TOLLY for the 6 back heel kicks he had incurred in the first half. " The DOYLO blokes reckon I do 'em really good' pleaded TOLLY. "You can f.....ing well play with Doylo if you do another one" retorted WAZ.
Back on the field in the second half and the game continued in the same vein as the first half. HEAD who thought he was actually playing with the 35ds was playing out of his skin (which is a big call because he has a lot of skin) bedazzling his opposite with petite footwork & sheer speed off the mark, so quick in fact the ref almost called time off when he chased a long ball because it took him so long to get to it.
To Doylos credit they managed to repel wave after wave of BABY RELICS attack, until Howler was bought down inside the box by their second fattest player and it seemed a mere formality that the BABY RELICS would convert the penalty. Up stepped coach WAZ always keen to increase his goal tally & without Wheats out there to challenge him for the job he was the only person that wanted to kick it, so he did......... straight to the keeper! TOLLY was heard to mutter " I would have done better with my back heel."
Meanwhile on the sideline the DILDO, doing a great job as the subman, felt a shiver run down his spine, he'd seen this kind of thing before, miss a penalty and the other mob score at the other end. Biting down on his corn cob pipe, scratching his chin & sounding like Walter Brennan ( the old guy in the John Wayne westerns) DILDO turned to the bench " I feels a bad things a gonna happen just mark my words"
Need I say any more!
well yes I do....... A great team effort where everyone contributed, & a big thanks to Mark & Pat, they both played great.
Once again though the Relics found a way not to win against a team that basically only had 2 half chances. "never mind lad that happens a lot in this team" sighed the Old RELICS as they trudged off to have a beer or two. "Things could be worse you know" someone was heard to say," Yeah we could be paying $3 for a beer instead of $2.50" someone quipped. ahhem ASS BIN interjected, "I have already had a meeting with myself & authorised that beer increase & by the way....... I also voted myself head coach at that same meeting."
Upon hearing this the DILDO felt that same shiver down his spine & thought to himself, I feels bad things a gonna happen just mark my words.
Howler
Monday, July 2, 2012
Do It For The Team
The esky can catch up in August boys. Come on Tolly how dedicated to the Relics are you?
My link for your donations is https://www.dryjuly.com/profile/markwheatley
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