Round 12  Relics V Woy Woy

The world of soccer is a fickle place, many pundits had Brazil as favourites to win the world cup, some predicted the Aussies would be cannon fodder in their pool, some people even had the audacity to write off the RELICS in a competition some people still believe to be the pinnacle of soccer competitions world wide. "Write the Relics off at your own peril", mumbled some homeless dude as he sifted through the rubbish at Kincumber Tip, "Mark my words, they'll be there at the finish" he said as he elbowed a seagull away from the 5 day old subway roll he'd just uncovered.
Can anyone believe the Relics have won their last 8 games in a row? It only seems like yesterday the Relics were licking their wounds after a 6 - 1 smashing by the Two Heads from Toukley.

For those of you who have lived in a glove box for the last 8 weeks, the Relics are peaking at the right end of the season.
Their last few games has shown the improvement in the team with everyone playing with confidence & enthusiasm, each week the Relics have to overcome an obstacle or two as players drop out through work commitments or injury, but to the teams credit each player that takes to the pitch has given 100% and bought home the bacon......... sorry homeless dude none for you !!
Training at Tuggerah 5 & 7s complex is probably a major reason behind the Relics run as the one hour hitout is a great fitness improver for those that have regularly turned up. Training from now on into the finals will return to Fagans park as coach Philby & trainer Shadow look to easing the strain on the team physically and improving the beer kitty before the end of year trip.
The line up against Woy Woy this game changed again last minute with players unavailable, the ever reliable Banker suffering from an overdose of Coke a Cola pulled a pancreas muscle and is out for the season," should have put bourbon in that coke son", lamented the Homeless dude. The rest of the Relics lamented the loss of an integral part of the team & wish Banker a speedy recovery!!!
Meanwhile Pulloweski announced his return from a rectum tear suffered from celebrating too hard after his last OUTING against Ourimbah where he nailed a hatrick. Super coach Philby jiggled the roster and the Relics did the rest.
The last meeting between these two sides was close with the Relics sneaking home with 2 late goals to win, this time it was all Relics, WW never looked like scoring in a game where Big Bob in goals had time to have a few of his favourite girls come down from Asian Star give him a massage and a pedicure without anyone noticing.
The first half was all Relics with attack at the top of the agenda, the only thing holding them back from scoring was the incomplete passing and confusion up front, Things finally settled down up front after a few heated words were spoken and the shots started to come, Pulloweski fired a shot in and it dribbled past Woy Woys keeper the Fat Controller, the big unit couldn't bend past his gut and stop what could be the slowest shot in history.

Some great crosses followed as both Howler & Tolley fired up from both sides of the field and were unlucky not to provide goals to the recipients in front of goal, Pulloweski showed his class with a fine header that hit the crossbar and Howler showed his class by missing Tolley's cross ball altogether.

Second half and the Relics continued their domination, Philby was running around like a madwomen on ice, tackling, chasing , tongueing anyone or anything he could get close to, at the back Smokey was playing himself into contention for best player in the comp with the skinniest legs, proving that playing 80 minutes wasn't beyond a fifty year old, alcoholic, heavy smoker, that can't make it thru a full training session. Well done Smokey !! best game ever!!

Meanwhile Ball was taking the position of Bankers bitch seriously, barking orders to his fellow backs and rallying the troops, & whilst Dildo didn't always agree, the backs gelled well and never looked like cracking.

The Prince of the midfield made an appearance, coincidentally against WW again, and proved to be a huge asset to the Relics, providing control and direction, The Prince was a subtle but significant influence in the Relics improvement as the game unfolded.

The Relics banged in two more goals in the second half, much to missus Howlers delight, she schemed in her mind how she would reward her Hubby's efforts that night, maybe a nice dinner? a seductive candlelit bath together? in the end she decided a bottle of red & a sleeping pill should shut him up, and Howler slept soundly dreaming of the hatrick that got away.

The Relics are proving to be the Real Deal, just don't tell Evander Holyfield.

Toukley's loss has the two teams equal 1st, but there is a long way to go for the Relics yet, everyone needs to keep their heads on and not get carried away. Well Done boys!!

This report bought to you by Howler, proudly sponsored by Pepperjack Shiraz, & would like to thank Toe's input.