Round 11 Relics V Kanwal match report

Never in Relics recent history (4 years) have the Relics flown in such rarefied air as to be sitting 2nd on the ladder in one of the most competitive and classy football competitions on the planet. Forget the world cup, forget state of origin, forget the under 12s netball comp at Adcock Park, we are talking competition at the upper echelon of all sports.
Once again going into the match against Kanwal without some of their superstars the Relics could have been forgiven for thinking their chances were a little slim, Pullo having scored 3 goals at their last outing obviously celebrated too hard and tore a rectum muscle midweek, Tolly on the other hand couldn't lift his boots due to the amount of stones in them and Brian having played the final 3 minutes of last week's game was exhausted.
Luckily the Relics are blessed with tougher men than these, & could carry the fight to the Plucky Kanwal bogans.

Super coach Philby jiggled and tweaked the roster and came up with a masterstroke starting line up that had the huge crowd of Relic faithfuls biting at the bit. Who in their right mind replaces a striker genius like Pulloweski with a fullback like Roy? PHILBY that's who !!! What a masterstoke ! Forget ANGE, lets see PHILBY coaching at the next world cup, the man has the gift of getting the best out of everyone that bends to his philosophy of bending over. Well done Super coach and well done Roy ! Roy took the challenge in his stride and didn't let anyone down, in fact he looked more comfortable than most of his predecessors in the position, even if he was bent over!

The Relics certainly have gone to another level in this competition, having smashed Ourimbah the week before 4 zip, I Think this team has finally found their feet ( just suck your guts in boys before you look down ) this team can really go the distance.

A big part of that philosophy has come from everyone agreeing with the basic idea that we all play for each other, there is no superstar in this team, everyone has something to contribute and while we all can still make mistakes, we get over it!

The Relics looked pretty good in this game, the frontline of Coops, Roy & Howler dominated the Bogans every time they got the ball, Coops in particular tore the left side apart and Roy was always ready for action in front of the posts, unlucky not to score on a couple of occasions Roy didn't give up & was always in position.

Meanwhile the mid field were doing a job on the Bogans as well. Steady was strong, lifting his head and giving some good ball, the Dildo as always was penetrative, providing some great through balls for the forwards.

God this report is starting to sound like an absolute SUCK!

Get over it !!

OK I'm back....... too much red wine.

Everyone had a great game! Flemo, Banker, Macca & Ball were impenetrable at the back(take that anyway you like), everyone else played like an absolute champion blah , blah, blah bloody blah.

The battle on the sidelines was just as intense as the onfield stuff, with Beer Bitch Grant back on deck, Bench Keeper Brian ( Bolts) was at odds as to who was running the bench," get on, get off" seemed to be the most popular call and players were running off & on causing chaos with the Kanwal game plan." How many players have this mob got?" queried the Kanwal coach, as Relic after Relic filed on and off the field like a chorus line musical act. Obviously pissed with the Relic game plan, Kanwal Coach sent out the edict to take out a Relic.... Dildo was duly kicked in the Kanakas with a close range shot & went down like a bag of shit, "get up you girl" chorused the Relic teammates, you've got no use for those nuts anyway!! Dildo rolled over with a groan and beckoned Grant to come on a rub him where it hurt.

Coops ended up killing their keeper with a tackle that would have got life in the world cup, and Howler now free from his nemesis keeper, applied the blowtorch to the Bogans soft hairy underbelly with an awkward cross/ shot that snuck thru the fill in keepers autistic hands and dribbled into the back of the net.

The Relics kicked back after the game amid the sounds of the ambulance taking the Bogans keeper to hospital, happy in the knowledge they had now moved into 2nd position. Well done Relics you deserve it!!

Report by Howler 15-7-2014