Relics Revel in Double Header (apologies to Hat and Howler)

Les Whiz at Logger Heads with Monsieur Crowch

Wreckin Ball Breaks Duck

The Relics have lifted after last week’s debacle against the Gumbies to record a spirited draw against the Smugglers and a solid 3-2 victory against a ‘new look’ Berkeley Vale outfit in a searching double header (sorry again Howler and Hat) this weekend.

Packing cut lunch and compass the Relics ventured north to Smuggler land with 12 and a half fit players (Darchinyan suffering from Rothman’s Lung) on Saturday, the first day of the double header (again, sorry Hat and Howler) to tackle the 2009 Premiers and 2010 flag favourites. The early exchanges were tough and torrid, with the Relics lifting to match their more fancied opponents. Whiz was combining well with Shadow, Pigeon (Coops) and Crowch to control the midfield. It looked only a matter of time before the Relics would hit the back of the net.

Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, the Relics strikers could not find the target. Dismayed by the number of near misses, backs stalwart and team strategist Banker whispered to Wild Thing “go forward young man and show them how it is done”. Immediately Wild Thing instigated a move from the defensive goal line, to finish in the six yard box at the other end to belt the ball past a despairing keeper. “That’s how it is done”, exclaimed a clearly jubilant Thing.
The Relics went to the first half break 1-0 leaders and all over the smarting Smugglers like a cheap suit.

Les Whiz Les Freak
All seemed hunky dory at half time until Whiz, drawing on his French heritage (great great grandmother on his father’s side) snapped. In scenes never witnessed in o/45s football before Les Whiz savagely attacked his team-mates and Coach!! He was heard to yell directly at the Coach: sac le bleu Monsieur Crowch, je ne comprends pas, je suis le meilleur donnez-moi la balle vous avez tous besoin. Coup de boules! Je suis d'ici’! With that Whiz shot through. Crowch reacted with equal vitriol! He yelled after Whiz and said, you pompous French prick from Wyong, hit the road and don’t come back Fizz. A shocked team then turned on Crowch threatening not to continue unless he apologised to Whiz. Captain Hat doing his best Patrice Evra impersonation took after Whiz, and after a short confidential conversation seemed to placate Whiz. It is not known what Hat said to Whiz but it has been suggested that Whiz blew up because he hasn’t got a proper number on his shirt. He is not happy with number 12 and not happy the numbers don’t match! With peace seemingly restored the remaining Relics agreed to take the field for the second half.

The Relics immediately began the second period where they left off and it wasn’t long before keeper - come midfielder Blackbeard got his shiny orb to the ball in the box glancing a solid strike from Shadow past a hapless keeper.

Extra Time Goal
The Relics looked the goods until the final 20 minutes when a torrent of possession led to a Smugglers goal. It seemed that every call went the way of the Smugglers in the second half as the Budgewoi Soccer Club Secretary, moonlighting as the referee for the day, did his best to keep his boys in the match. The referee has obviously watched too much World Cup football over the last week as the Smugglers managed to claw a draw through a dodgy goal in the fourth minute of extra time!!

At the end of the match Cowch praised the efforts of almost all of team, obviously still smarting from his exchange with the Whiz.

Relics Beat the Berkeley Vale Burglars
In the second match of the weekend double header (woops Howler and Hat) the Relics have avenged their first round defeat beating a new-look Berkeley Vale 3-2. Prior to the match the Relics witnessed a touching embrace between Crowch and Whiz, obviously peace had been restored. Apparently a flurry of midnight text messages between the two had cleared the air.

Mud Clod Nearly Kills Burglar's Keeper
The Burglars took to the field brim full of confidence after donkey licking the Kincumber Superstars the previous day. Despite this confidence, the Relics opened brilliantly controlling all aspects of play and after five minutes were up 1-0 through a deft strike from the diminutive Howler. Howler soon found himself in a similar position, but instead of piloting the ball through the sticks for a second goal he missed the ball lifting a clod of Fagan’s Park turf directly at the stunned Burglar’s keeper. The keeper copped a clod in the head while the ball dribbled aimlessly over the goal line. After this some Relics (in the back line) were heard to question whether Howler's earlier goal was a fluke!

The Relics continued to apply pressure, earning a corner at the 20 minute mark. Corner guru Captain Hat launched a tremendous ball directly to the Whiz at the top of the box. In a moment of sublime skill Whiz projected himself parallel to the turf before smashing a scintillating volley into the top left of the goal. Onlookers were stunned. The Burglars jaws’ dropped. Traffic came to a stand-still, and a passing dog stopped pissing midstream. Nobody, however, was more shocked than the Whiz’s own kids, except for the Whiz himself.

At 2-0 up the Relics were doing it easy, but in scenes reminiscent of the Relics’ capitulation to the Gumbies it wasn’t long before the Burglars had clawed their way back to 2-2. The Burglars first goal came after a opportunist cross which somehow found its way into the top corner of the net.

Relics Back Scores Second Goal for the Weekend
Not to be outdone by Wild Thing a day earlier, rookie back Wreckin Ball was keen to get his name on the score sheet as he skilfully manoeuvred the ball past the keeper. His excitement, however, was short lived when he realised the keeper was Darchinyan and he had scored the equaliser to bring the Burglars back to 2-2.

Blackbeard Seals Victory
The second period turned into a dour struggle with the ball being kicked from end to end as each side tried hard for the winning goal. With seven minutes remaining Shadow and Crowch combined to put a ball through to Statue, Tolly and Blackbeard who were camped near the Burglars goal. After a front of goal struggle Tolly and Statue paved the way for Blackbeard to steer the ball into the goal with his pelvis. Victory to the Relics!!

The entire Relics’ squad have dug deep this weekend, well and truly back in the hunt for premiership glory. Lets rissole the Tossils next week!!

Becks