Game 6 - LADIES DAY AT THE RELICS
Always looking for new angles to inspire his band of merry men, Coach Philby came up with the idea of getting the better halves of the Relics involved in what became known as Ladies day. Offering them the chance to see Howler strip, and Dildo give foot massages he thought the ladies would turn up in droves, he was wrong, so he threw in some free grog, bickies & dip and the response was outstanding.
Picking the game against East Gosford was also a masterstroke, women aren't interested in losers, that's why none of them came to  Relic games in the past ( Ida excepted) Philby wanted them to see the Relics at their dominating best. Getting down on all fours before the game to allow Mrs Howler to rest her feet on his back while Dildo carried out the only foot massage of the day was more a look of submission than of domination.
The game kicked off and the ladies kicked back, talking and drinking amongst themselves, pretty much oblivious to the Relics efforts on the pitch, if they had been watching they would have seen the domination that Phiby had banked on. The Relics were all over them like a cheap suit, Coops, Dildo & Howler were making deep inroads behind the slow moving Easts backs, Howler in particular had more opportunities than a pedophile at a scout jamboree, but couldn't put one in the net, he gave up trying after his fifth failure and decided to pass to his own team instead of to their keeper.
Howler was in good companv though with everyone up front missing their share of what looked like easy pickings, seriously the Easts blokes were ordinary, the score should have been 6 nil after 10 minutes, but the harder they tried the more frustrated they got. Finally the drought broke through a solid strike from the ever reliable Coops, this released the tension somewhat and 2 more goals followed, another long range bomb from Z found the mark and Steady managed to follow through on a Howler cross/shot/miskick to clean up & claim a goal.

Halftime couldn't come quick enough for East Gosford & many of their players were heard to ask " can we go home now coach", unfortunately for them the answer was " no get your sorry fat arses back out there and have a go! " Meanwhile on the other side of the park the Relics and their women folk were partying like it was 1999. Relic wannabe, young Daniel was doing the rounds refilling the ladies drinks, keeping them primed as suggested by mentor Grant, the players were laying back soaking up the sunshine and life was good ! Tolley turned to Philby and said "we should do this every week coach", "what ladies day ?" replied Philby, "No, play East Gosford !!

Round 2 and the Relics didn't let up, the passing, talk and the overall play was great, sure Easts are are bit weak but you still have to turn up and play and the Relics were doing just that. 3 more goals in the second term were testament to the team effort with different players scoring each of the goals from good team lead ups. Howler, Tolley & Dildo were all on the receiving end of good crosses and passes that came from players not being selfish but playing for the good of the team.

Meanwhile at the back the Relics were totally solid, any attack by Easts was quickly snuffed out before they could get into the box, Big Bob was getting bored though and growled the message up the line " let one of em through" not wanting to upset the man with the biggest hands in the world the Relics relaxed and let an unsuspecting Easts player slip through." Come here my pretty" said Bob, unfortunately Bob hadn't had to move for the last hour or so and what somewhat slow off the mark in getting to the player, " stuff this I'm gunna have to kill ya" growled Bob as he realised he was gone, in a last ditch effort Bob through the arm out and coat hangered the guy. Great stuff Bob 2 games and 2 penalties," bring back Dallas" the women on the sideline screamed.

Bob filled the goal space and the Easts bloke shit himself, skying the shot 10 metres over the bar, "you shoot like Dildo " smirked Bob, that's a cleansheet !

Any way it was a great day for the Relics and the ladies, thanks for everyone coming along , you are always welcome. Great effort Grant. congratulations to the Hat on getting back into the country in one piece and GETTING HITCHED !!!! Well done buddy hope it all goes well for you.