ROYALTY RETURNS TO THE RELICS for Game 5
Coach Philby woke with a start, No it wasn't wife Michelle's warm hand that woke him, she was still asleep probably dreaming about Howler. No Philby was frozen in fear at the thought of what was ahead of him and the Relics. In a game that was shaping as the Relics most important to date, players were dropping like flies. Steady, Macca, Pullo, Dallas, Jambo, Shadow & Smokey had all pulled out due to work committments, injury or total disinterest.
On top of that team stalwart Hat, on loan to a Belgian club, had missed his flight back to Australia due to a customs issue at Heathrow airport, apparently he was caught smuggling a cache of viagara disguised as Belgian chocolates in his carry on luggage. The give away according to customs officials was his dishevelled, worn out appearance & the huge bulge in his trackies.
Philby had to think quick, the Relics season could hinge on this game against Woy Woy. Both teams were equal on the ladder and desperate to advance, the Relics needed help, Philby needed to think outside the square he had to come up with a game changer. Leafing through his little black book, past T for Touch of Class, U for Underwear Model, V for Venus Massage, he hit gold under W for WHIZ!!!!
Fortunately Whiz had been waiting for this phone call for the last 2 years and answered the call in a flash, "We need you Whiz" said Philby, "I know" replied Whiz, "I'll be there".
The news got better for the Relics with Big Bob confirming his comeback and Jambo was able to escape long enough to play the first half.
The game started and the Relics slipped straight into gear passing, running and talking confidently amongst themselves. Many raids up both sides of the park ensued with no luck on the scoreboard, it just seemed a matter of time before the Relics would convert field position to goals. Unfortunately that scenario fell to Woy Woy, in a rare break into the Relics box a Woy Woy player was sensationally tackled face first by Jaffa who some how fell into the Woy Woy players feet and gave a penalty that was duly scored. Big Bobs first touch of the year was to retrieve the ball out of the net.
Enter Whiz, or as some like to call him the Prince of the Midfield. He quickly dispelled any thoughts of rust or lack of fitness as he totally mesmerised the Woy Woy defence. Flicking the ball around like he had it on a string The Prince dominated the midfield, giving the Relics the much needed control they had lacked in previous games. Regardless the Relics still went in at half time down 0-1.

Second half and the depleted Relics came out with all guns blazing, they literally camped in the Woy Woy half with most of the team forward trying to drag the game back, it took a long time and many close shaves before the Relics finally levelled through a Coops thunderbolt that stayed low and snuck under the goalies generous gut." You bloody beauty" thought Philby "we are gunna kick some arse now" This thought had only just entered Philbys mind when BANG!! a WW player snuck into the vacant acre of ground that was left open by the backs & midfield who were all up front trying to score, and in a foot race with the Dildo, who uncharacteristically wasn't up front, won easily and scored a good individual goal, Bobs second touch of the game was to pick up the ball from the back of the net.

Finally through some guts and determination the Relics wore them down and further goals to Coops, Z and Roy put the game to bed. The Relics totally deserved to win, they were the much better side & seemed to want to win more than the other mob, everyone made a contribution in a solid team effort. And did I mention Whiz ?

He was outstanding !! Bring back the Royals I say old chap.