Game 2 - post match report, by Howler
On a wet and miserable Saturday the new look Relics sassayed their way up the F3 to take on (in their minds) another easy target at Toukley.

Who plays soccer ?.... sorry soccer tragics I mean FOOTBALL in Toukley ??

Obviously some feral lookin, drug addled assholes that look like they couldn't play soccer ... I mean football DO!!

Tolley, upon arrival at the ground had an instant feeling of being at home, he and the number 8 for Toukley could have been blood brothers for gods sake!

Meanwhile, Brian, looking resplendent in his blue goalie gear and all excited about his opening game of the year was warming up his rickety joints & trying to get some feeling into the extremeties of his body parts when Big Bob walked into the dressing shed. Brian felt like a vegetarian at a BBQ as his Relics teammates dropped him like an empty beer can and started talking excitedly amongst themselves about how quickly they could get Bob into that lovely blue goalie outfit. Needless to say Brian had a shocker!

Kick off & ninety minutes later the all conquering Relics were standing around like a mob of mongrel dogs with their tails between their legs. What happened? Did the Relics believe their own press ? did Shadow push them too hard at training ? Did they miss Steady Ian in the midfield?......... Brian may have had a shocker but it wasn't his fault that the Toukley forwards ran through the Relics defence like a dose of the clap.

Passing for the Relics looked like a foreign object had been shoved up their arse, so painful did it look. Rarely did a pass go to the man and when it did the opposition moved in quicker than a wife with a job list to shut them down. Half time came and the Relics must have felt like Gosford the week before, down 4 blot, the only difference was that Gosford didn't concede a goal in the second half.

The Relics sucked big time and the number 8 for Toukley was made to look like Harry Kewell in comparison, not easy when you consider his brain had been fried by magic mushies, even their 63 year old striker was made to look sharp even though he was carrying a colostomy bag in his shorts. At the back Toukleys backs ruled the roost getting to the ball quicker and with more energy than the shell shocked Relics, this mob just wanted it more than the Relics!

On a positive note most of the relics tried hard, none more than Flemo & Steve O who toiled hard on the left side, Flemo almost pulled off the header of the year but the Toukley Keeper who had a great game pulled off a sensational save.

Back to the drawing board for coach Philby and trainer Shadow.