Relics are Minor Premiers 45B’s
The RELICS have finally done
it! Minor premiers of the biggest football competition in the galaxy. Bigger
than the world cup, bigger than those pissy Commonwealth games, bigger than the
Eurovision song competition and almost as big as Pullo's ego.
Go you old fart RELICS !! What a day ! In a dream final round match up against co- leaders, The Two Heads at the field of dreams Frost Reserve, the excitement in the air was palpable. A huge crowd of past & present players, Wags and the odd homeless dude that had nothing better to do descended on the fields of dreams like a plague of locusts, eager to see if the Relics were in fact the Real Deal or there just to make up the numbers.
All had heard the plight of the team, Banker had dropped his guts ,Smokey's prosthetic leg was broken and crowd favourite Howler was up on assault charges from the previous week's game. Adding further insult to injury, Roy was still on his Thailand sexpo tour and had sent word he wasn't coming back, well....... not as a man at least, he now wants to be known as Rhonda. Meanwhile Jambo had been spotted at the Commonwealth games in Glasgow playing hockey for Scotland's womans team and now we all know what he meant when he said " OCCHH EYE I DO LIKE A WEE BIT OF SKIRT " We do too Jambo but not to wear!!!! Whats going on here girls.. I mean guys??
Regardless of these set backs, the remaining Relics turned up ready to rumble, they wanted to show these Toukley Tossers that they weren't going to roll over and give em the premiership without a fight.
It didn't start that well though with TT totally dominating the opening 20 minutes of the game, the Relics were on their heels defending stoutly but couldn't seem to get out of there own half. A very near miss when TT hit the cross bar may have been the catalyst for the Relics to get their act together and start having a go. A couple of timely replacements probably helped as well, the entry of Coach Philby and Whiz into the game coincided with Relics going forward and taking control of the game.
Upfront Coops, who was struggling with a hamstring strain and Pulloweski were doing their best to turn the tide, unfortunately passes were miscued and the attack looked disjointed. A cross over pass to Tolley in front of goal was duly missed and as the huge crowd groaned, Tolley regathered the ball, fucked around with it for what felt like a lifetime, before backheeling (what else would he do?) to Zulu who crossed it back to Coops who headed it home. "Sucked in Toukley you guys need two heads to do that HA !" cried Tolley smugly.
From this point on the fight seemed to go out of the Two Heads, front running might be their forte but coming from behind is an art form best left to those who have intestinal fortitude and maybe don't like looking their partner in the eyes....... sorry I digress.
The Relics second goal was delivered via super boot Pulloweski, showing the eager crowd why the Relics paid the big bucks to get him (and put up with him) the legendary goal poacher was just starting to stamp his authority on the game.
Elsewhere on the field other Relics were also beginning to dominate their opposition. The midfield were strong, subbing regularly helped, giving them the edge when needed. At the back without the steady hand of Banker and Macca, the defence was shaky and had a preference for short miss directed passes when in the box, however they soon got their act together and opted instead to kick the shit out of it and clear the ball instead of fart arsing around with it.
Behind by 2, particularly after their strong start totally took the wind out of Toukleys sails and the Two Heads started shuffling players around in the hope of reversing their fortunes. Their gun player regardless of where he plays is number 4, he is quick and skilful and has more hair than some. Moving him from the back to the front was a big call considering Pulloweski & Coops still had heaps of goals in them but TT needed a goal and he was the player most likely for them. In the second half he didn't let down the homeless guy who was actually going for Toukley , when he left 4 Relic backs in his wake as he swathed a path through them to slam home a great goal.
The parochial home crowd basically shit themselves, so did the homeless guy by the way, even though he was going for Toukley.
NO !! they cried as one, don't let em score again, a draw would only benefit Toukley, having a draw has been described as like kissing your sister and the Toukley boys were puckering up. The Relics needed to win BRO!!
The Relics didn't let the crowd down and lifted to a new level, crowd stalwarts who have watched probably one or two Relic games were amazed at the intensity of this Relic team, "shit mate I didn't think Tolley could walk that fast" said one as Tolley attempted to chase down a through ball. Passing amongst themselves actually started to look natural for the Relics and they held the Two Head defence up like a dirty rag. Ball, Steady, Jaffa and along with Z & Tol also gave polished performances, their shining baldy pates at times blinding to the opposition, causing all sorts of confusion. Upfront Pulloweski & Coops were toying with the Toukley backline, shot after shot was deflected by Toukleys athletic keeper & Bob and Bella were both heard to say "you can't do that son, put on a bit of weight, lose some hair, let in a goal or else we'll see you in the carpark", they growled.
Finally the old master Pulloweski threaded the needle and finished any talk of a Toukley come back, the Toukley keeper obviously heeding Bob & Bellas advice duly dived the wrong way.
A fine win by the mighty Relics and a fitting result for all of the players who have given their best efforts all year.
A special mention must go to Philby he has borne the brunt of player's egos all year and has managed the team with dignity and fairness, well done mate! A big thanks also to Beer bitch and queens counsel Grant for his involvement to date.
First step Minor premiership ACHIEVED
Next step semi final
Go Relics!!!
The writer would like to confirm that no Tolleys were hurt in the making up of this story!
Go you old fart RELICS !! What a day ! In a dream final round match up against co- leaders, The Two Heads at the field of dreams Frost Reserve, the excitement in the air was palpable. A huge crowd of past & present players, Wags and the odd homeless dude that had nothing better to do descended on the fields of dreams like a plague of locusts, eager to see if the Relics were in fact the Real Deal or there just to make up the numbers.
All had heard the plight of the team, Banker had dropped his guts ,Smokey's prosthetic leg was broken and crowd favourite Howler was up on assault charges from the previous week's game. Adding further insult to injury, Roy was still on his Thailand sexpo tour and had sent word he wasn't coming back, well....... not as a man at least, he now wants to be known as Rhonda. Meanwhile Jambo had been spotted at the Commonwealth games in Glasgow playing hockey for Scotland's womans team and now we all know what he meant when he said " OCCHH EYE I DO LIKE A WEE BIT OF SKIRT " We do too Jambo but not to wear!!!! Whats going on here girls.. I mean guys??
Regardless of these set backs, the remaining Relics turned up ready to rumble, they wanted to show these Toukley Tossers that they weren't going to roll over and give em the premiership without a fight.
It didn't start that well though with TT totally dominating the opening 20 minutes of the game, the Relics were on their heels defending stoutly but couldn't seem to get out of there own half. A very near miss when TT hit the cross bar may have been the catalyst for the Relics to get their act together and start having a go. A couple of timely replacements probably helped as well, the entry of Coach Philby and Whiz into the game coincided with Relics going forward and taking control of the game.
Upfront Coops, who was struggling with a hamstring strain and Pulloweski were doing their best to turn the tide, unfortunately passes were miscued and the attack looked disjointed. A cross over pass to Tolley in front of goal was duly missed and as the huge crowd groaned, Tolley regathered the ball, fucked around with it for what felt like a lifetime, before backheeling (what else would he do?) to Zulu who crossed it back to Coops who headed it home. "Sucked in Toukley you guys need two heads to do that HA !" cried Tolley smugly.
From this point on the fight seemed to go out of the Two Heads, front running might be their forte but coming from behind is an art form best left to those who have intestinal fortitude and maybe don't like looking their partner in the eyes....... sorry I digress.
The Relics second goal was delivered via super boot Pulloweski, showing the eager crowd why the Relics paid the big bucks to get him (and put up with him) the legendary goal poacher was just starting to stamp his authority on the game.
Elsewhere on the field other Relics were also beginning to dominate their opposition. The midfield were strong, subbing regularly helped, giving them the edge when needed. At the back without the steady hand of Banker and Macca, the defence was shaky and had a preference for short miss directed passes when in the box, however they soon got their act together and opted instead to kick the shit out of it and clear the ball instead of fart arsing around with it.
Behind by 2, particularly after their strong start totally took the wind out of Toukleys sails and the Two Heads started shuffling players around in the hope of reversing their fortunes. Their gun player regardless of where he plays is number 4, he is quick and skilful and has more hair than some. Moving him from the back to the front was a big call considering Pulloweski & Coops still had heaps of goals in them but TT needed a goal and he was the player most likely for them. In the second half he didn't let down the homeless guy who was actually going for Toukley , when he left 4 Relic backs in his wake as he swathed a path through them to slam home a great goal.
The parochial home crowd basically shit themselves, so did the homeless guy by the way, even though he was going for Toukley.
NO !! they cried as one, don't let em score again, a draw would only benefit Toukley, having a draw has been described as like kissing your sister and the Toukley boys were puckering up. The Relics needed to win BRO!!
The Relics didn't let the crowd down and lifted to a new level, crowd stalwarts who have watched probably one or two Relic games were amazed at the intensity of this Relic team, "shit mate I didn't think Tolley could walk that fast" said one as Tolley attempted to chase down a through ball. Passing amongst themselves actually started to look natural for the Relics and they held the Two Head defence up like a dirty rag. Ball, Steady, Jaffa and along with Z & Tol also gave polished performances, their shining baldy pates at times blinding to the opposition, causing all sorts of confusion. Upfront Pulloweski & Coops were toying with the Toukley backline, shot after shot was deflected by Toukleys athletic keeper & Bob and Bella were both heard to say "you can't do that son, put on a bit of weight, lose some hair, let in a goal or else we'll see you in the carpark", they growled.
Finally the old master Pulloweski threaded the needle and finished any talk of a Toukley come back, the Toukley keeper obviously heeding Bob & Bellas advice duly dived the wrong way.
A fine win by the mighty Relics and a fitting result for all of the players who have given their best efforts all year.
A special mention must go to Philby he has borne the brunt of player's egos all year and has managed the team with dignity and fairness, well done mate! A big thanks also to Beer bitch and queens counsel Grant for his involvement to date.
First step Minor premiership ACHIEVED
Next step semi final
Go Relics!!!
The writer would like to confirm that no Tolleys were hurt in the making up of this story!
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