Relics 4 - 0

What a difference a week makes. If anyone bothered to read last weeks match report they would have thought the Relics were dead meat, stinking, festering offal left out in the sun, maggotted beyond recognition.
Coming into this weeks game against the lowly ranked East Gosford Easybeats many diehard Relic supporters felt that if the Relics sucuumbed to this bunch of spastics they should all give up and take on lawn bowls.
Once again the Relics were left short of troops thru injury, work or a complete lack of interest. When are the coaching staff going to learn we need a squad of 30 to keep a team of 11 of the pitch each week?
Ball, with new found status as a love machine due to his black balls decided not to play again opting instead to try out for the lead in a locally produced porno, unfortunately whilst he was rehearsing his balls faded back to their original colour and size and he was quickly axed from the production.
Undeterred Coach Philby tinkered with the make up of the side, & threw a few players into unfamiliar positions. With his side having their worst start in years and looking at an 8 nil drubbing based on the doubling scoreline from the first 3 games, Philby was on a hiding to nothing!
And if that wasn't enough he had the extra pressure of former coaches Whiz & Crow who both turned up to the game, circling like buzzards around a dead man walking.
Realising he needed some thing more Philby took advantage of the home ground and called up 3 of the young up & coming pups from the 35ds to bolster the ranks.
From the get go it was obvious the Easy beats were in fact Easybeats, the Relics front line toyed with their backs like cats with a bedraggled mouse, several chances went begging as the Relics fired shots over the bar, crazy considering the keeper was only 3 foot 6. It wasn't long though before the forwards clicked and realising Banker was actually there for a reason started giving him some ball. Banker too realised he was there for a reason and started scoring some goals, finally the penny had dropped for everyone!
Whilst it was raining pennys up front, the backline was cashing in as well. Dildo who has been shunted further back towards the goals with each game had a blinder. Coupled with his big Tassie mate Flemo & a fine supporting cast, the backs for the first time this year showed a steely resolve, plenty of positive talk and a commitment to defend, everyone take a bow !!!
The second half didn't live up to the first half, why would it ? we were up by 3. Most players were just going thru the motions when Wheats decided he couldn't be bothered running anymore and launched a lazy shot from 30 metres out, finally some one had realised how short the keeper was and the ball sailed in over his outstretched baby like arms.
A big thankyou to the 35Ds players Mark, Barry & Dennis they all contributed greatly. A big thankyou to the Relics players who ALL had a great dig, its always a pleasure to play when we have a go, lets keep it going every week!!

HOWLER