Line up 9.

12:45pm kick off v Budgewoi on Frost 1.

Line up 8.

11:45 kick off v Avoca on Frost 1.

Line up 7.

1:00pm kick off v Kanwal at Kanwal oval 1.
(click for map) Kanwal Oval - Hopetown Road, Kanwal

Relics 4 - 0

What a difference a week makes. If anyone bothered to read last weeks match report they would have thought the Relics were dead meat, stinking, festering offal left out in the sun, maggotted beyond recognition.
Coming into this weeks game against the lowly ranked East Gosford Easybeats many diehard Relic supporters felt that if the Relics sucuumbed to this bunch of spastics they should all give up and take on lawn bowls.
Once again the Relics were left short of troops thru injury, work or a complete lack of interest. When are the coaching staff going to learn we need a squad of 30 to keep a team of 11 of the pitch each week?
Ball, with new found status as a love machine due to his black balls decided not to play again opting instead to try out for the lead in a locally produced porno, unfortunately whilst he was rehearsing his balls faded back to their original colour and size and he was quickly axed from the production.
Undeterred Coach Philby tinkered with the make up of the side, & threw a few players into unfamiliar positions. With his side having their worst start in years and looking at an 8 nil drubbing based on the doubling scoreline from the first 3 games, Philby was on a hiding to nothing!
And if that wasn't enough he had the extra pressure of former coaches Whiz & Crow who both turned up to the game, circling like buzzards around a dead man walking.
Realising he needed some thing more Philby took advantage of the home ground and called up 3 of the young up & coming pups from the 35ds to bolster the ranks.
From the get go it was obvious the Easy beats were in fact Easybeats, the Relics front line toyed with their backs like cats with a bedraggled mouse, several chances went begging as the Relics fired shots over the bar, crazy considering the keeper was only 3 foot 6. It wasn't long though before the forwards clicked and realising Banker was actually there for a reason started giving him some ball. Banker too realised he was there for a reason and started scoring some goals, finally the penny had dropped for everyone!
Whilst it was raining pennys up front, the backline was cashing in as well. Dildo who has been shunted further back towards the goals with each game had a blinder. Coupled with his big Tassie mate Flemo & a fine supporting cast, the backs for the first time this year showed a steely resolve, plenty of positive talk and a commitment to defend, everyone take a bow !!!
The second half didn't live up to the first half, why would it ? we were up by 3. Most players were just going thru the motions when Wheats decided he couldn't be bothered running anymore and launched a lazy shot from 30 metres out, finally some one had realised how short the keeper was and the ball sailed in over his outstretched baby like arms.
A big thankyou to the 35Ds players Mark, Barry & Dennis they all contributed greatly. A big thankyou to the Relics players who ALL had a great dig, its always a pleasure to play when we have a go, lets keep it going every week!!

HOWLER

Line up 5.

12:00pm kick off v East Gosford.at Frost 2.

Relics 0 - 3

After a promising start to the season with a one all draw in round one, the Relics have begun a slippery slide down the greasy pole towards premiership anonymity.
Round 2 saw a depleted Relics squad heading up the F3 to take on a new look Doylo side. Trying to put memories of last years game at Doyalson out of their minds, the Relics were quietly confident that the absence of Posh & Blackbeard would help lessen the chances of a repeat of last years debacle.
Ten minutes into the game on a stinking hot afternoon the Relics were looking the goods, passing well and on the attack. Playing on a postage stamp sized field it wasn’t long before Jaffa unleashed what seemed like a clearing kick that somehow found the back of the net. “You Beauty Chrome Dome” rejoiced the amazed Relics, “this could be our day” some thought. But just as the Relics were starting to feel good about themselves enter... POSH.
Having laddered his stockings in the off season, a broken semblance of Posh’s former pathetic self tuned up to atone the wrongs of last year. “ Put me up front “ he bellowed, “ I need to make this right”. And as Tolly succumbed to another heart attack on the field, Posh got his chance up front.
Needless to say the Relics didn’t look like scoring again.

Whilst Posh made a valiant effort to help the injury stricken Relics up front, his usual dour defence at the back was sadly missed. Along with Ball who had strained his groin from trying to put it on someone’s shoulder who was way too tall for him to reach, the Relics lacked aggression at the back, allowing a soft goal in the first half and another straight after half time.
To their credit all the Relics to a man played pretty well, no subs on a hot afternoon doesn’t augur well for over 45 codgers and the team did well not to allow a well structured Doylo to turn it into a big score.

Moving on, the Relics felt confident that their next game, at their spiritual home of Terry Oval against former 45’s whipping boys Terrigal would see a first up win for the year. With a few players back on deck & Posh no where to be seen the Relics were pumped for a big score. And they got one ..... 0 - 4..... now that’s BIG. What the hell happened ?
Reading like a script from previous Relic play books it basically went this way, the Relics made plenty of early breaks but didn’t convert any of their chances, Terrigal created a few chances and converted all of them.
To Terrigal’s credit they controlled the midfield better than the Relics, they passed the ball a bit better and generally their players were hungrier for a win than the Relics, just have a look at their Goalies effort, no way he was gunna let a goal in!

While its easy to say it was Posh’s fault, in fact every thing IS Posh’s fault, the Relics need to take a good hard look at themselves. Every individual needs to ask themselves “am I giving 100%” and if they answer yes they should give themselves an uppercut and say I can give more!!!
Coach Philby must be feeling the heat, 3 games in and the goals against have doubled with each game, at this rate the Relics could lose their last game by 32678. Surely this would be grounds for dismissal.
Anyway its early days and we shouldn’t write the Relics off just yet, we’ve had some injuries and other teams will get the same, at the end of the day its about enjoying yourselves and just having a kick, so lets have some fun.
AND THERE’S NOTHING MORE FUN THAN KICKING SOME OTHER OLD TEAM’S ARSES AROUND THE PITCH!

HOWLER

Line up 4.

1:25pm kick off v Terrigal at Terry Oval Springfield.