Relics Charge Into Finals

The Relics have consolidated their 3^rd spot on the ladder with a comprehensive 2-1 pillocking of the Berkelers on Saturday. The Relics went into the match needing to win to be assured of avoiding undefeated Gosford in the first week of the semis. Not because we’re worried about them, but it will be much sweeter giving them false hope and then beating them in the Grand Final.

The named team was the strongest in form team all season, and continued our surprising new trend of strengthening at the right end of the year. Our confidence was up after a solid training session on Wednesday night (the esky was emptied).

Pre match was livened up with the unveiling of Flemo’s new personalised boots, causing most of the team to retain their sunglasses until just before kickoff. Coach Waz lost the toss, again, he really is a pathetic excuse for a tosser, but it was just as well, as changing ends is the closest we manage to a pre match warm up.

The Relics passed well early and dominated play with our own resident Rick Allen with ears, trapping first time and distributing very tidy balls to the other forwards. Wiz, Howler, Wheats and Phil were on top of their opponents and Howler was always pressing forward. Then the subs halted the momentum a bit and the backs had to work to keep the Berklers at bay. Fortunately Banker, Rob, Grant and Tony had them under control whilst Hat at stopper, merely had to waggle his boots in the sun to blind the opposition.
Just before half time the ref decided to try and even things up a bit, but reacted rather strongly to suggestions from Coach Waz and Hat that his whistle should have a pea in it, or was it that we wanted to pee in his whistle?

Anyway half our team were mugged by tackles that Mario Milano would have been proud of.  Meanwhile, Howler, miffed at the Berky keeper tripping over and blocking his only shot on target, surprised not only the Relics, but also the Berky keeper by getting a second shot on target. 
Relics 1-0.

Half time discussion revolved around the fact that John and Vic had a dozen shots between them and one almost went near the nets. Hat did his best to make up for Dallas’s absence, when it was suggested that maybe a free kick against Hat was merited, and he said that the referee and any body who agreed with him  could #$^%^^ !!. 

The second half started the same as the first with the Relics constantly pushing forward but failing to score. By this stage Vic had 7 Gaelic Football points, but the Ref hadn’t heard of the rule that 7 overs equals 1 under.  Good work just outside the box, saw Berkly use another Half Nelson to stop us, but this time the ref, who was facing away from Hats boots, saw it. Coach Waz, still smarting from his two feeble penalty attempts in recent weeks, stepped up to take the free kick. 

Berkely were worried when Hat ran up from Stopper position to confer with Waz. They suspected some sort of fancy boot  blinding technique. However I can report that Hat simply told Coach Waz that going on previous form he had no chance of getting top corner and he should just #$^^&$!! kick it into em and hope something happened.   He did, and it did, with Coach Waz smacking the rebound on his left sweetly into the net.  Note Waz, please take future free kicks with your left.  2-0.

Shortly after the ref was again counselled by Hat and Waz, about allowing Berks to run through players jumping for the ball. In retaliation, he then over-ruled his linesman who was in perfect position by stating that a pass back from Smokey to Bella had crossed the line. Of course the Ref could see, as he was at least 30 metres away at a 90 degree angle! Its still a carton though Smokey!

The Relics then kept the great Berks out of the rest of the game.  Hat at this stage , believing that he must be playing league because of the tackles on him, snarled at his forwards to stop running away from him (in truth they were fleeing boot glare) and launched an erratic 40-20 kick which wasted at least 2 minutes whilst the ball was retrieved from the creek.  A well deserved 2-1 win with good contributions from most.  Only two minor points for improvement this coming week, tie the forwards neck to their balls to keep their heads down when shooting, and rub some mud on Hat’s boots. It was also wonderful to see Glenda Dunlop at the game and catch up with her afterwards, as well as Dave and Alice Allan. Also thanks to regular supporter stalwarts Kathy, Sharon, Daniel, Josh and Sky.

Finally thanks Bella for talking one for the team.  The big man has lost his last 8 grand finals, so rather than jinx us he’s opted to miss the finals and  go to an overseas drinking finishing school so that he’s in top form for the Shoal Bay trip in November.