The RELICS squad turned up expecting a nasty GUMBIE reception, this mob of precious Pommie outcasts had let the RELICS know after the last game that they would even the score ..... hmmmf not likely!
Banking on the confidence gained from last weeks game against the CAVEMEN, ASS BIN kept the basic line up & strengthened it by the addition of part time player coach WAZ.
Conspicuous by his absence was off season signing the HEAD. Unsubstantiated reports have it that HEAD, completely mesmerised by the little CONFUSCIAN master NINJA in last weeks game had in fact joined his cult in the hills of Narara as a member of his concubine of BALD HEADED wives. No doubt NINJA would not have a problem catching HEAD if he tried to do a runner. It is believed that NINJA also has in his sights a few more of the RELICS who possess similar attributes.
The GUMBIES won the toss & made their first error of the game, choosing to run down hill with the wind behind them, an obvious advantage that they needed to to use but didn't. For a lot of the first half they seemed to have made the right choice, passing the ball cleanly & looking the much more professional of the two sides. The RELICS on the other hand looked like a bunch of disjointed spastics with few passes finding the man. To the RELICS credit however was their defence which remained rock solid throughout.
The GUMBIES never really threatened the RELICS goal so they decided to score at the other end........ much to the delight of the RELICS. Once again Avoca's BIGGEST LOSER #3, was in the news for all the wrong reasons using his gut to push an innocuous header from wolverine HOWLER over the line ( with some help from a DILDO nudge in the back). So disgusted was he that he dragged himself off the field to find solace at the canteen with half a dozen pies and never returned.
The second half & the RELICS were a totally different side in attack, running down hill & with the wind in their hair (except for a few of NINJA'S mates) the RELICS enjoyed a glut of possession and territorial dominance. Like many games before the RELICS were doing everything right but could not convert their dominance to goals. Every player from the backs to the forwards were on the ball, determined to grind the GUMBIES into the ERINA turf.
The longer the second half went without a RELIC goal, the more it felt like DOYLO dejarvu, the RELICS were all over these mugs but couldn't put it behind doubt. Chance after chance went begging, SHADOWS attempt hit the inside of the post & yet miraculously stayed out, the rest of the forwards were lining up like hobos at a food shelter, eager to join in on the feast of opportunities. Finally it seemed their prayers were answered when hobo #1 TOLLY, was bought down after a spirited run near the box, most RELICS who thought it was a penalty started to act shifty, hands in pockets, kicking the ground, looking to the sky whistling, some even put their hands up to sub. "NOT THIS AGAIN !! they thought "GET ME OUTTA HERE" called WAZ.
PANIC started to settle in until the REF quietened the situation down by telling them it was in fact only a free kick ............. WHEATS watching from the hill realised another missed opportunity & sat back down.
The DILDO, realising no one on the RELICS team apart from WHEATS was watching, snuck up, grabbed the ball, placed it ready to kick & before POSH could say "BULLDOGS ARE MY TEAM" unleashed a strike of such ferocity (not) that VIC had to intervene & give it a help along to make the goal line, unfortunately it was the goal line on the wrong side of the post. DRATS not again !!!
OH WELL at least it wasn't a penalty we missed.
The RELICS continued to pepper the AVOCA goal to no avail & that nagging thought that AVOCA could turn around & score from nothing must have been seared into the brain of all RELICS, none more than the backs who displayed utter contempt for the GUMBIES attack, repelling all of their pathetic forays. The wall of pressure mounted by the RELICS finally paid off when one of the GUMBIE backs decided to follow Fat Boy to the canteen & slotted a neat goal past his own keeper. "Thats how you do it, you useless lot" he gestured to the forwards on both teams before trotting off for a much deserved pie.
Great effort to all RELICS involved, it seems that several players are finding the position on the field that suits them best & also the team. BANKER is doing a great job of holding the backline together & HAT has had 2 great games at the back with him. Meanwhile up front VIC is finding the form that will bring the team home, giving up FAGS & chasing women instead will do that for you!
At the time of this report going to air it would seem HEAD has in fact escaped NINJA's evil cult, aided by a mysterious black caped, masked hero who was heard to say "It's pretty simple we've just gotta score more goals than them"
Howler
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