Ass Bin Coach left to his own devices with Waz lost in Woy Woy, decided to tweak the team, putting himself up front in the hope of scoring a goal to get off the nudie run and moved Wheats back to sweeper to annoy the backline.
New signing Bella deciding to have a quick bite before leaving West Gosford at the Asian Star, lost track of time & turned up right on kick off forcing new subman Howler to turn back the clock & dust the mothballs off Smokey & his goal keeping kit for the first 7 minutes of play, it was a tense 7 minutes but as soon as Bella was ready Smokey was hooked. Never before had a Relic been given a standing ovation by fellow players & spectators for doing absolutely nothing and Smokey sauntered off to the bench with the crys of CLEANSHEET, CLEANSHEET ringing in his ears.
The rest of the Relics meanwhile were doing their best to nail a goal & get the ball rolling on what should be a huge victory, the new look frontline, SULO, VIC & CROW tried valiantly but were turned away by a determined defence & equally determined keeper. BANKER slammmed what looked like a winner only to have it cannon off an unsuspecting fullback bludging on the goal line. time after time the Relics were thwarted, a shot from HAT hit the post.
To add insult to injury the Relics main weapon ( and I MEAN WEAPON ) the DILDO sucuumbed to a life long ailment LIMPWRISTITIS & was forced to leave the field for treatment and to prevent the spread of it to other players on the team. Shortly after the CROW limped to the sideline with a bad case of heel spur, a legacy of his cowboy days with the Village People. Players were dropping like flys & the submans job was becoming very difficult, to his credit subman held his nerve made some crucial changes getting TOLLY & SMOKEY on the park up front & the result was GOALA. A nice interchange of passes amongst several players saw TOLLY finish off a nice cross from SMOKEY.
Doyalson weren't lying down though and made some good inroads into the Relics goal zone, the Relics backline held firm and looked to have everything under control until a lone wolf snuck under their guard & tripped over inside the box earning himself a chance at an equaliser. BELLA no doubt inspired by SMOKEYS earlier cleansheet & possibly refreshed from his Chinese chow down dived and saved yet another difficult shot. BANKER was showing a lot more of his rarely seen running game obviously aligning himself with SULOS thoughts that there were goals to be had out there & I want one !! He also showed he liked head... putting his to the ball on several occaisions and repelling the DOYLO attack.
Half time came and POSH in his first game back pulled the young subman aside & said "youve got to put me up front, I'm the only one that can do it, I'm the fittest, fastest & I've proved I can score before, this game was made for me" Who knows what the subman was thinking maybe he thought POSH could do it, maybe he thought the 2 crisp 50 dollar bills POSH had slipped into his hand would come in handy later at the Asian Star, regardless POSH was going on up front.
The second half saw DOYLO play their whole side back and the ball rarely left their side of halfway. SO many opportunities for the RELICS to sow the game up but they just couldnt get it over the line. VIC went the closest with a great strike that drifted over the bar. Another shot mishandled by the keeper bounced agonisingly close to the goaline but AGAIN NO GOAL !
POSH having the time of his life up front called to the bench"how easy is it up here ?" to which the Subman responded " try running for a change " No sooner had POSH attempted this foreign idea he was bought crashing to earth by a jelly bellied fullback (welcome to our world POSH). Inside the box it looked like goal #2 was coming but like so many other decisions the ref made that day DOYLO got the benefit of the doubt.
POSH was spewing & suggested to the ref maybe POSH could demonstrate the tackle on THE REF after the game!
In what became the greatest turning point of the game POSH, possibly still affected by his earlier altercation, couldnt help himself when another mishandled save from DOYLOs keeper bounced free & on a beeline to the goal mouth & with no one to stop it POSH decided to give it a nudge and claim the GLORY. Phil Gould would have said NO NO NO NO NO POSH, & thats exactly what the ref said, no doubt remembering POSHs earlier tackle threat.
Still the RELICS were in front & time was ticking down but one still had the feeling we needed another one to finish them off. 10 minutes to go & DOYLO finally got the ball inside the RELICS back end (sounds painful ) & it was painful to watch as the RELICS who had all dropped back to defend continuously put the ball out for corners & throw ins giving DOYLO repeat sets inside the RELICS goal area. JUST KICK THE SHIT OUT OF IT SOMEONE ! was the cry from the bench & finally someone did, probably SULO who was running around like a rabid drovers dog chasing everything that moved & barking encouragement to everyone.
Just when everyone thought thatsDOYLO player drilled a long range shot into the net, much to the pleasure of the well lubricated DOYLO supporters.
Obviously the RELICS were gutted with some players upping & leaving without a word. Someone commented a draw was like kissing your sister to which HAT the big Taswegian responded "whats wrong with that? (maybe they have a lot of draws in Tassie ) grabbed his mum & said lets go find sis.
Howler
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