RELICS RETURN TO THE WINNING CIRCLE‏

After their huge 1st round victory many believed this was to be the year of the RELICS, subsequent inept performances in rounds 2 & 3, found the team going into round 4 against the Berkeley Vale Rustics as clear underdogs. Missing key personnel Vic & Flemo, the team was bolstered by the return of Howler, fresh from a playing stint in the Thai transgender league with FC Ladyboys, and shock new signing Mark Bella Newton, coming into the side as goal keeper( much to the relief of Dallas....... & the rest of the team).
The Relics took up the attack early in the first half and Howler showed he had lost none of his speed by racing onto a sublime thru ball from Dildo, Howler also showed he had gained no skills whatsover whilst in Thailand by spraying his shot towards the corner post.
The Relic front line & midfield continued to pepper the Rustics goal area to no avail, many of the shots were taken too far out and gave the keeper little trouble, passing at this stage was a little bit off and stifled many a promising attack, typically after having all the ball & territory the Relics backline, probably bored from watching endless shots up field go no where, decided that the Rustics strikers were off side & refused to chase them, what they hadnt taken into account was a) no linesman to make the call b) the ref is a berkeley vale junior and c) Sulo was behind everyone asking Bella if he could make next weeks game, and the result.....GOALA.
The rest of the half was a see sawing affair, the Rustics lifted by their goal created more chances and were duly rewarded when given a contentious penalty by local Robbie the Ref. Smokey who had surprised everyone at this stage by playing so long finally sucuumbed to his hip/ calf/ knee /ankle /hamstring /big toe injury and fell into the back of the Rustics player. All eyes were on Bella as his first real test as Relics keeper arrived, a classy effort almost kept it out but the result ......GOALA. The Rustics continued to dominate and were making breaks at will, only a fine save by Bella thwarted what could have been a 3 nil half time score.
Half time and the Relics heads were down, staring at three in a row the players looked towards the brains trust for inspiration, what could the brains trust come up with to turn this game around?...........................
.................... if it had been night time all you would have heard were the crickets.. NOTHING !!!! So the players trudged back out none the wiser for the second half, what they probably didn't realise was the Rustics were even more headless than them and the Rustics didn't have any more subs... WHEW !
Shadow as he often does pulled a shot/ cross from some where which some how beat the bemused keeper and got the Relics off to the start they needed, the Relics lifted and Dildo led the way up front curling a nice shot into the top corner of the net, at this point the Rustics realised they were in shit, the Relics were running amok with Tolly & Dildo combining beautifully up front and the midfield following through nicely, it wasn't long before Howler slotted a rebound from another Dildo shot past the keeper & the Relics were in front for the first time.
The Rustics were out on their feet but the Relics couldn't afford to slow down, the Rustics went close to scoring from a couple of corners which kept the Relic fans on the edge of their seats, at the other end numerous Relic raids, particularly down the right side fizzed out due to poor passing or finishing, Tolly & Tonk both having one on one chances with the keeper that they'd prefer their bemused children on the sideline had not seen.
Finally the Relics were rewarded when Wheats, head down weaved his way thru the tiring Rustics defence and slotted home a nice goal, John & Wiz proved their success in the pizza shop was no fluke when they combined to send Wiz on his way, Wiz took one in the jatz but stoically pushed on with one of the balls finally finding the net, finally ( I THINK ) John showed some of the pizza shop skills he is famous for by flipping the ball over the keeper & into an open goal..........GOALA X 6
A good second half by all, helped tho by a weary opposition we need to lift another gear next week and play all game.
Whilst the Relics celebrated with a few cold ones after the game they were gifted with some further good news in that POSH, who mistakenly turned up to training in his Gosford colours before feigning injury & shooting off to Gavenlock has indeed signed with the CAVEMEN, and HEAD who has found that he cannot bear to train or play against his former team mates at the 35Ds, & was a notable absentee at the Relics game preferring to rub shoulders and probably the odd appendage with his old team mates at their game will be asked to donate whatever beer money he spent with the 35Ds into our kitty, fairs fair HEAD you were signed on for what you could contribute to the kitty!

Howler