Relics Fail to Fire

The Relics have lost their Round 2 clash 2-0 against competition favourites the Gosford Cavemen in a game of two halves. The Cavemen were able to score twice in the first half with the Relics backs finding it difficult to effectively cover the Cavemen strikers. The quality of the Relics play was further compromised with some poor passing.


The Relics had trouble controlling the midfield because the defensive four seemed to be at sixes and sevens trying to fend off wave after wave of Cavemen attack. It did not help that there was only one linesman, and in the first half he was keeping us honest! It was also clear that former great whistle-blower John Thomas Howcroft, who officiated in the 1920 FA Cup Final between Aston Villa and Huddersfield, was having trouble picking up off-side play from the centre circle. At one point it looked as though Howcroft was re-living his boyhood when, as a sixth-former at Rugby school, his mate William Webb Ellis picked up the ball in a school-game of football, ran with it, and rugby union was born. [Not that we are blaming the incomparable Howcroft for the result – the best team won on the day]

The second half was much better for the Relics. The space the Cavemen had up front in the first half disappeared in the second. As a result the Relics regained the midfield and were unlucky not to score on several occasions. Banker, Wazz and Tonk had strong games. Ass Coach Bin chased everything that moved and it was great to see the pocket dynamo Darchinyan back on the paddock.

The Relics again lost several players before the kick-off and started the match with only one fit substitute and during the match several Relics including Jet and Becks sustained ankle/calf injuries. In a show of great team spirited Jet volunteered to keep goals while the versatile Dallas took to the field to re-kindle his battle with The Ninja.

The Cavemen, who were given a last minute reprieve to stay in the ‘B’ division, have recruited well in the off-season, introducing a couple of new knuckle-draggers in their ranks.

The Relics will look forward to their return clash at Fortress Frost and with all men available it may well be a different outcome.

PS Boys – Half time was ugly. Let’s pull together. Remember the Relic way - don’t get mad, just get even (next time).