Sunday, April 15, 2012

Relics Demolish Wolves in Season Opener

The mighty Kincumber Relics have hit the ground running in season 2012 with a resounding win over the Doyalson Wolves in front of a smallish but appreciative crowd at Fortress Frost. The result was even more stunning considering the number of Relics unavailable for the match. Smokey (strained gluteus), Banker (sore groin), Dallas (work) and Blackbeard (work) were ruled out during the week. Prior to the match strikers Darchinyan and new boy Tonk withdrew due to illness. The Relics also lost Howler in the first half with a strained calf.



The Relics were very impressive in the opening stages pushing the ball to each other with confidence and conviction. It wasn’t long before the Wolves were at sixes and sevens and no doubt regretting leaving their Doyalson den to make the trip south on the F3.

The Relics had numerous shots on goal in the opening period but could not put one past the agile wolf in goals. The deadlock was finally broken when Shadow put a neat strike into the net after some terrific lead-up work down the right flank. The Relics were clearly outclassing their lupine foe.

The Relics new formation was holding fast with Wild Thing, Old Crow, Toe and Becks looking impenetrable. At the 20 minute mark, however, disaster struck when a lone wolf run onto a speculative kick to send one past stand-in keeper Reckin ‘iron gloves’ Ball. The crowd was stunned as the Wolves drew even.

It wasn’t long, however, before the Relics ascendancy continued as Mickledildo banged one home for a 2-1 lead. Mickledildo was desperately unlucky not to have had a brace of goals as many of his attempts just failed to find the target. Even though the Relics went to the half time break with only a one goal lead they looked to be holding their opposition safely.

The Relics went on the attack straight away in the second half and it wasn’t long before club stalwart Hat mesmerised the Wolves defence to convert a glorious and poignant goal. At 3-1 it was a case of the Relics by how many! Completely against the run of play, however, the Wolves managed to scrounge a second goal after a Relics mix-up in front of their goal.

Down 2-3 the Wolves tried to rally but they were having difficulty getting the ball out of their own half. Old Crow and Axe were combining well with new recruit JJ The Jet Plane to put pressure on the Wolves defence to secure possession in the attacking half and apply extreme pressure. This pressure ultimately led to a penalty when Micklediver was brought down just outside the penalty area. Even though this did not lead to a goal another penalty in similar circumstances a few minutes later saw former ace Wazz place the ball for a second penalty 30 metres from goal. Even though Wazz was unable to make solid contact, the ball deviated from the shoulder of a defender to take a track back to the goal and beat the helpless goalie who had already dived the other way.



At 4-2 the Wolves looked safely held but the Relics’ co-coaches were worried about the number of shots that were failing to find their mark. In what ultimately turned out to be a coaching master stroke noted defender Becks was moved to the attacking zone. It wasn’t long before the move paid dividends as Becks loomed onto a wayward cross from Wild Thing to fire a deliberate and decisive strike 40 metres from goal. The ball left Beck’s foot like an Exocet Missile quickly cannoning into the top right corner of the net. Onlookers delirious with delight were heard to say that no goal-keeper in football history could have stopped such a well-timed and targeted shot. Unfortunately the goal was not captured on camera but similar, albeit inferior, strikes can be found at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foCJDVTbYg

Beck’s goal broke the Wolves spirit. Soon after Hat landed a double and the Axeman ran into space to convert a neat goal.

The final score of 7-2 actually flattered the opposition but all in Relics colours seemed satisfied with their first hit out for the season.

While he was on the field Howler played well and Head was solid in defence. The best on field for the Relics, however, were without doubt Hat the ageless mystro Shadow.

7 comments:

  1. Ahh so that's who scored the fifth goal. So devo that I missed it.

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  2. Becks
    You have understated the quality and importance of your sensational goal. Great strike!
    Wazz

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  3. I couldn't let Becks interpretation go without comment. We all know he loves talking it up but here's what really happened with the Posh goal. Becks description is first with the actual event following in brackets. In what ultimately turned out to be a coaching master stroke noted defender Becks was moved to the attacking zone.( Becks got lost in the backline and followed the ball to half way. On his way back the ball passed him and went out for a throw. he walked into the forward line as it was closer than his proper spot)

    It wasn’t long before the move paid dividends as Becks loomed onto a wayward cross from Wild Thing (Phil kicked it to his feet and Becks tripped over it twice despite being on his own as the Wolves deemed him no threat)
    )to fire a deliberate and decisive strike 40 metres from goal. (He was 7 metres out and thought he was in the backline, launched a clearing kick at the ball)
    The ball left Beck’s foot like an Exocet Missile (It dribbled off the side of his foot )quickly cannoning into the top right corner of the net (The keeper was looking in the direction it should have gone whilst it just bobbled over the line at the near post). Onlookers delirious with delight were heard to say that no goal-keeper in football history could have stopped such a well-timed and targeted shot.(On lookers were delerious all right. They couldnt believe that the goal was from a Becks kick, even if it was miskicked) Unfortunately the goal was not captured on camera but similar, albeit inferior, strikes can be found at (No camera has a shutter speed slow enough to capture the snail pace at which it happened. Maybe time lapse photography would have caught it !!)

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  4. On ya Hat, the man with a real photographic memory. I remeber it now

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  6. Sorry, I will just stop laughing for a minute on both, yep, Hat, that's exactly as I remember it.

    Crowy.

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  7. Thank heavens Becks isn't a builder that 40 metres would be classed as overcharging.
    I believe he was looking for something in the grass ( like the halfway line to orient himself in our half) when an opportune ball landed at his feet and stumbling forward he happened to kick it away. As he fell forward he happened to kick it again , trying to maintain balance he kicked it again , the opposition were now ducking for cover as Becks doing his best impression of Boris Karloff in Frankenstein lurched toward the goal.The keeper now doubled up with laughter was caught out as Beck's attempted a pass and looking like a reject from The Ministry of Silly Walks it spun into the goal from just outside the 6 yard box.

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Are we doing this again???