Nil all Bore Fails to Enthuse Crowd

The Relics’ have failed to enliven a hearty crowd at Frost yesterday with a nil all draw against the Doyalson Wolves. The Wolves sit in fourth position and on yesterday’s performance will struggle big time in the semis if they make it.

Crouch will be hoping for a more enthusiastic performance from his beleaguered Relics against the Cavemen in today’s blockbuster. The match begins at 2.45 and will be the main Sunday feature at Frost. The Hat also disappointed with the performance yesterday has assured Relics supporters that the match against the Cavemen will be a ‘goal feast’. Hopefully he was referring to the Relics and not their foe!

The Relics’ failure to finish was again the main problem against the Wolves. So desperate were the Relics in attack that Banker and Wreckin’ Ball were both moved forward in a vain attempt to score goals. Unfortunately the move backfired with both men looking out of their depth. Hopefully their defensive skills have not been tarnished by their forays into the attacking zone. It is clear that Crowch needs to do something to fire up the forward line – maybe he needs to heed the advice he was given by the great Sir Alec Ferguson!!

To be fair several Relics were carrying illness/injury into the match:
Darchinyan was complaining he was short-winded as he had “a bit of Flem caught in his throat” [actual quote - ask Darchinyan]
Howler caught a bout of ‘kennel cough’ from one of the opposition wolves prior to the match.
Whiz was strapped up like ‘Paleface Adious’ and resembled a broken down trotter as he hobbled his way around the field (and somehow still got the 3 points) much to the delight of his supporters from Wyong.
Statue was still carrying a fat lip from the match against the Superstars.
Shadow is still recovering from his cosmetic surgery.
Dallas’ ‘roids were still giving him some problems (haemorrhoids not steroids).

Despite the tame draw several Relics looked sharp. The athletic Smokey got airborne to deny the Wolves a goal in their only shot on goal. Wild Thing, always the innovator, used the surprise tactic of a midfield bomb late in the match in an attempt to break the deadlock. The Toe was ‘johnny on the spot’ on numerous occasions to quell the Wolves’ attack and Bung looking spritely as he turned defence into attack.

Hopefully this correspondent will have some goals to talk about from today’s match!

Post Script: In details just to hand the Tossils have firmed dramatically in competition betting after savaging the Superstars (2-0) and the Cavemen spanked the Smugglers 6-0 at Budgewoi! It is understood that both Tossil goals came after defensive errors from Diamond Reid. There are rumours that Diamond is on the outer with his team which explains his presence at the Relics’ match yesterday. Is he trying to sure up a gig for 2011? He will be disappointed!

Bex