Blackbeard Cuts the Throats of Hapless Wolves while the Wyong Whizz Sizzles

The Relics have got their season back on track with a comfortable 1-0 win over the Wolves at Doyalson. It was a great team effort with the management committee of Crowch, Hat and Darchinyan grinning like Cheshire cats post match. Their grins grew larger when news filtered through that the seemingly unbeatable Kincumber Superstars were smashed by the Tossils and the Smugglers were held to a draw by the Cavemen.

Judged best on field, midfield danger-man Blackbeard wielded his cutlass like a pirate possessed. There was no bandanna today – no reason to secure his buccaneers on his buccanhead. The crafty old sea dog cut loose slicing his way through the Wolves at will. Wolf after wolf was left chasing their tail. He showed no mercy. His skills on the ball were a sight to behold. At times even the Wolves crowd stood as one to cheer in awe at his renowned signature runs. His passing was also exquisite – a worthy man of the match performance.

Crowch also saw merit in the performances of Darchinyan and the Axe. Crowch’s judgement was spot on. Darchinyan owned the right side of the field swooping on ball after ball with gay abandon. He exploited defensive weakness in his opposition with monotonous ease using his own unique brand of cunning and guile to underscore the Relics attack. The Chin was on fire. If Darchinyan can maintain this form he will be at unbackable odds to win a second (and successive) Central Coast 45A’s player of the year.

Darchinyan and Blackbeard were ably supported by plumber and part-time barman the Axe. The rain-forced layoff has obviously done the Axe a world of good. His kidneys, lungs and liver never better. He was everywhere in attack and defence. In defence he struck his opposition like an exocet missile. In attack he tore straight through any would-be defence. So dominant was his performance even the opposition players were pleading with the Hat to sub him from the game.

The match started in difficult circumstances when stand-in captain,Banker, lost the toss forcing the Relics to run into a gale, uphill and into a blinding sun for the first half. Remarkably, in the second half the wind stopped and the sun spent most of the period shielded by cloud. The pitch even seemed to level out. The Relics continue to be behind the eight ball conditions-wise in every match. Crowch must find a better tosser. It has been suggested that Crowch will call for a ‘toss off’ on Thursday at the conclusion of indoor training. Howler, who indicated that he has participated in such events before, has offered to bring the SAO – whatever that means.

It is also understood that Wreckin Ball and Wild Thing are keen to take on the tossing job and will be practising hard in the lead-up to the ‘toss off’.

Even though the Doyalson goals were oversize (1m too high) the Relics could only convert one out of their forty odd shots on goal. Howler managed to convert the Relics’ only goal after a goal-mouth scrap, but also missed two open goals at stages during the match. The attacking mid-field and strikers continually found themselves in goal scoring territory – but to no avail. Despite this Statue, Darchinyan, Howler and the Axe are forming a great combination. They are hunting as a pack.

In an encouraging sign, former Wyong flyer Whizz

enjoyed significant match time. Even though he pulled up a little sore in the left hamstring, Whiz is confident that he is approaching full fitness. This will be a blessing for the Relics as to-date Whizz has promised much but delivered little.

Shadow and Crowch had their usual solid games whilst it was again the Relics’ defence which reigned supreme. The Relics now boast the second best defence in the league, only one opposition goal behind the Tossils. Wild Thing, the Toe, Bung, Smokey, Wreckin Ball, Banker and Becks were resolute in the commitment to reject any attacking move from their opposition. Dallas in goals was sensational. Dallas turned back the clock, diving around like a 45 year old.

Finally, the Hat looked comfortable in the pre-match warm-up and he looks set to enter the fray once more in the coming weeks. This is great news for the Relics as it was feared that the Hat’s season was finished.

Post Script: Dallas continues to disappoint as Beer Bitch.

Becks