Howler Howls in Solid Relics’ Win

Two first half goals, one to Blackbeard and the second to Howler, have paved the way for an effortless 3-0 win by the Relics against a struggling Gumbies outfit. The Relics’ third goal came midway through the second period thanks to an impressive Shadow penalty.

The Relics took to the field a little shin sore from shooting practice and with their ears still ringing from a savage blast from Crouch at training. The Wednesday night punishment certainly paid dividends with the Relics’ forwards unleashing numerous shots on goal in the first twenty minutes. Both Howler and the Axe were unlucky not to secure early goals hitting the woodwork with good strikes. First to score, however, was Blackbeard who duly converted after looming onto a great through ball from the Shadow. Howler, playing up to an adoring vixen fan club, scored shortly afterward after an untidy scrap between players in the front of goal. The moment Howler’s goal dribbled over the line his fan club went wild. Unable to control his own excitement Howler immediately subbed himself from the field to receive first-hand the bouquets from Team Howler.

Crouch Happy as Whiz Sheds Panties and Handbag

Crouch was a happy man at half time, not only because of his team’s new found striking capacity, but because marquee signing The Whiz entered the fray for only the second time this year after allegedly re-injuring his foot during a cameo against Gosford. Whiz took a late decision to play after advice from his Physio who told him he was a wimp and there was nothing wrong with his foot.

(Photo: from my album)

In fact, this correspondent has spoken exclusively with his Physio and what she actually said was “for xxxx’s sake Whiz, wipe the rouge from your cheeks, get rid of the lipstick, throw away your Barry Manilow collection, switch to his pants for him and get back onto the field!”

Axe Ready to Rumble
To their credit the Gumbies rallied in the early part of the second half but the relentless running, passing and stoic defence from the Relics soon had the Gumbies back-peddling and becoming frustrated. This frustration led to a nasty incident when the elusive Howler was cut down by a Gumby defender. Howler, immediately jumped to his feet and with gnashed teeth challenged the defender. He was joined by the Axe, steely eyed and ready to rumble. The referee, not sure what was happening as he was 50m from the action, blew his whistle loudly and somehow managed to gain control.

Pitiful Pirate Penalty
The Relics were desperately unlucky not to score a handful of goals in the second half. Blackbeard squirted a feeble penalty attempt straight to the goal keeper while both Darchinyan and Banker failed to convert simple headers in front of goals.
Despite winning 3-0 the Relics will need to lift next week against a Smuggler’s outfit who will be smarting from a shock loss to the Tossils.

Roy’s Boys in Identity Crisis
It appears the newest Kincumber side in the 45s competition just can’t take a hint. There is only one Relics team! Just to avoid any confusion the following are pictures of the 2008 and 2009 The Relics. The 2010 Relics played Avoca on Saturday.

Till next week!
Becks