Match Report Round 1

Relics Steal One at Home
The famed Kincumber Relics scored a 1-0 victory over a spirited Avoca Gummies at Kincumber No. 2 last Saturday in the first round of the 2009 Central Coast O/45 league.
It was clear from the outset that this match was going to be a dour struggle on a well grassed and water logged No. 2. The Relics found the going difficult in the early stages finding it hard to lift their heavy old feet. At some stages early it looked like left back Adrian was playing his own game of “stuck in the mud.” Downhill Dave Allan too is definitely no mud runner and suffered a back strain early, forcing his retirement from the match. Wife Elise immediately tried a back massage to get her charger going again, but to know avail. Obviously a back injury for Downhill is just as big a blow for Elise as it is for the Relics!

With 90% of the play in the Relics defending half Coach Vic was a worried man and grabbed for his twentieth fag midway through the first half. Amongst the thick smoke haze this correspondent noticed Coach Vic putting some big ticks next to several names on his play sheet, most noticeably the back five including Dave “the banker” Gray, Maximillion and the “The Ice Mountain” in goals whom thwarted numerous Avoca attacking raids through their stunning defensive cunning, guile and arse. If not for the efforts of this fearless crew the Relics would have lost.

The first half was not only defence, however. Peter “the Crow” Crowson and Tolley were creating chances for the Relics. The Crow took advantage of sloppy Avoca passing and quickly turned defence into attack on numerous occasions. Tolley, too, was a headache for his opposition…literally. At times the Avoca backs and halves needed three eyes: one to watch the ball, another to look for their own players in attack, and a third to brace themselves for a Tolley tackle. Some beautiful lead up work through the middle and out wide from the fleet footed Micledinho and the big footed Flemmo ensured that Statue was perfectly positioned to drive home several goals….the Relics went to half time locked 0-0 with the Gummies.
Half time could not come quick enough for Coach Vic. Even before the players could take the first sip of their Gatorade, or light their first smoke, Coach Vic launched into the most savage tirade ever seen or heard on the famous hallowed Frost Reserve turf. No player, or spectator or passing kid, was spared the wrath of Coach Vic. He tore strips of whomever made the grave mistake of catching his steely, venomous glare. Hard man Tolley was reduced to tears. Ice Mountain felt two foot tall. Shadow’s lips were quivering.

Coach Vic’s pep talk worked. The Relics thundered onto the park for the second session, and with a new sense of their own worth set about to dismantle the Avoca machine.

Kev “Neil Diamond” Reid, began to live his own hype and launched a number of creative moves up field. His combinations with Brian “Dallas” Donnelly, Shadow, The Crow, Grant “The Toe” Nettheim and Mickledinho put the Avoca defence at sixes and sevens. Realising that the Relics were beginning to get on top Coach Vic drew the tracksuit from his spindly legs and injected himself into the game.

This proved to be a masterstroke from Coach Vic. His injection ignited the mid field and strikers leading to many brilliant passing and attacking forays from Dallas, Neil, The Crow, The Toe, Shadow, Flemmo, Maximillion Tolley and Mickledinho.

The pressure was finally too much for the beleaguered Gummies. With ten minutes remaining Mickeldinho, after good lead up work in the middle, sent a well timed pass to Steve Harvey who swooped from the shadows to strike a missile like shot into the net (see footage). The Avoca keeper had no chance.

The final ten minutes were frenetic as the Gummies tried to equalise and the Relics tried to bang home another. The Ice Mountain and The Banker remained calm under pressure and defused several hot chances from Avoca in the final minutes.

Fulltime! The Relics 1 - The Gummies 0. Coach Vic by this time had regained his composure and was not the fierce beast we saw at half time. He had a grin like a split watermelon and eagerly congratulated all. He even said well played to the Beer Bitch!

Thank you to the team for a gutsy effort, Mariela for the pictures, and our supporters on the sideline.

The Beer Bitch