GILLARD BACKS THE RELICS‏

It would seem that the resurgence of the RELICS has not gone unnoticed, even at the highest post of Australian politics, with Prime Minister Gillard DEMANDING a match report.
With her own popularity waning it is obvious that she is keen to latch onto any success story going around & use it to her own advantage. There is talk if the RELICS win the comp, she will accompany them on their trip away as the BEER BITCH !


This week the RELICS took the long road up to TWO HEAD TOWN to take on the RUSTICS from Berkeley Vale. The Rustics recent form reversal had the RELICS a little worried that they may in fact be facing an ALL AGE 1 side rather than the pedestrian grandpas that usually turn out for the Rustics. Whilst there were a few unfamiliar faces amongst the Rustics the RELICS were undaunted, confident they could contend with whatever team took the park.


Buoyed by the fact HEAD was again out of the team, the RELICS were feeling good about themselves, a win here and a loss for AVOCA would see the team jump into third spot and possibly avoid an early semi final against minor premiers GOSFORD. Once again though the team had to play without inspirational pizza flipper WAZ & WHEATS who had succumbed to a shoulder injury aggravated the previous week when he threw his hand in the air wanting to take a penalty.
Unperturbed ASS BIN made what he believed to be the right selections, and prepared himself to take what ever criticism that may come his way if the team failed.


The first half & the RELICS were all over the Rustics, TOLLY looked like he'd been shot out of a gun, running up the right edge like a dingo chasing a baby, crossing to the goal mouth on several occasions without result. Meanwhile VIC was covering more ground than JULIA GILLARD on an election week, chasing everything that moved, (thankfully IDA stayed seated all game ) unfortunately no goals, but hey ! we were trying hard.
Once again the midfield led the charge with none better than the ASS BIN himself. This man who could have been a JENNY CRAIG AMBASSADOR with the amount of weight he's lost, was inspirational. Chasing, passing, farting, panting.... he did it all with a minimum of fuss ! What more can YOU expect from an ASS BIN COACH ?
" Luv you long time Phil," NINJA thought telepathically, as he stroked HEAD's head in the comfort of his lofty hideaway in the Narara hills. " I will be waiting for you in the finals, my skinny adversary " he chuckled to himself.


Second half and it just seemed to be a matter of time before the RELICS would nail the all important goal. SMOKEY who hadn't paid his FULLBACK UNION fees & been banned from playing in the backs by BANKER & HAT, found himself in unfamiliar territory up front. Having bagged out pretenders up front in the past, it was some what of a surprise to see SMOKEY choke like he'd swallowed a 25 pack of Winfield Reds, when given a golden chance in front of goal. Trapping a quality cross & with no one to beat in front of goal SMOKE joined that elite group of RELICS to miss the unmissable goal. WELCOME TO THE CLUB !!!


Finally the RELICS got the goal they were looking for when a through ball from the backs found an unsuspecting JAFFA upfront, the ball bounced off his arse & into the path of the omnipresent HOWLER. Calls of offside from the Rustics were over ruled by the prepubescent referee & HOWLER was given the all clear to proceed. Shitting himself the closer he got to the goal area, the wolf boy finally delivered on a one on one with the keeper & limped off to the toilets to clean himself up.


10 minutes later & VIC was duly rewarded for another great game with a fine goal. Some what intimidated before the game with IDA's words ringing in his ears " score me a goal you skinny little shit or else I'll crotch ya " VIC really had no choice but to score.


Once again the RELICS showed they ARE capable of winning this comp. Solid performances all over the park. Great to see DALLAS back & playing within himself ( if you know what I mean ) great control mate, that's what will win us the gong.


HOWLER