Sundays Match Report by the Banker

Sunday July 25, and the Relics were drawn to play the second game of the weekend’s double header at Fagan’s Park.  It was also Ladies Day at Frost Reserve and for some unknown reason Posh was unavailable for the Relics.  Coincidence?

Nevertheless in a fine display of Fashions on the Field the Relics discarded their usual attire and donned their resplendent Red, White and Blue alternate strips for the long anticipated clash with arch rivals the All Stars.  Not a thoroughbred to be seen amongst them but definitely some old warhorses, stallions and perhaps even geldings chomping at the bit and ready to run.  The Relics were not so fresh from their last start, or perhaps more appropriately called an 80 minute warm up against the Cavemen the previous day, whereas the All Stars were keen for a run as a dead track the day before saw their Saturday meeting abandoned.

The Relics welcomed back Statue after a brief spell travelling the Asian circuit but his return was however scant consolation for the loss of Whiz, who was off watching the trotting or capitulating Tigers or some such thing and Blackbeard who had track work elsewhere as well as the missing Posh.  Maximillion was apparently stuck in the barriers and missed the start by a good 20 minutes (comments were heard later that it was not until after his introduction to the game that the All Stars hit the lead).

The game started slowly as the weary legged dragged themselves into the game with little to excite the crowd, both of them, although an early break away by Cap’n Hat saw a shot go only inches wide of Man Mountain’s far post, for what was probably the Relic’s best, or only serious threat of the first half.  Likewise the attack by the All Stars whilst consistent lacked any real venom.  Skills were not really on show although one brilliant display of dressage saw the Beer Bitch aka Dallas in his dazzling white socks (a contrast to the rest of the team all in blue) perform a twinkle toes like pirouette and actually continue to control the ball stunning any onlookers.  And with the half drawing to a close a brief altercation broke out after Wrecking Ball and Mustapha of the All Stars collided and a slow reacting Statue was unable to clear the jump crashing down upon them.  No serious damage but a penalty incurring Yellow Card (six-pack shout apparently) ensued for Mustapha.

The somewhat exhausted Relics were glad for the half time break and excited to have held the famed All Stars scoreless for the half.

Turning for home the two teams resumed the struggle again with the All Stars controlling most of the play albeit with the occasional breakaways by the Relics’ sprinters Howler and Axe.  After again containing the All Stars for a good while a stumble finally saw the impasse broken when a relatively innocuous cross was headed passed Smokey from close range. Punters at the track immediately protested to the stewards about the scorer jumping the start but the linesman was unmoved and the goal stood.

The All Stars buoyed by their lead continued to press and the Relics undoubtedly subdued were further rocked when a Fine Cotton incident arose shortly thereafter.  A seemingly harmless corner by the All Stars took a nasty bounce and after a neat deflection by Wrecking Ball that would have seen the ball fall harmlessly wide the cat-like reflexes of Statue on the near post saw an amazing feat of skill to somehow bring the ball back just inside the post for a very soft own goal. Whilst their goal scoring combination was sound it was not impressive enough to see Wrecking Ball feature in the coach’s points for the match though continuing tradition Statue was rewarded.

From that point there appeared little prospect of the Relics getting back into the match as exhaustion began to show, although Crow’ch, had a half opportunity when Man Mountain possibly asleep due to inactivity dropped a ball near his feet, but with the aid of the referee and a fortuitous free kick was able to re-gather.

With the game drawing to a close a dashing, but pointless, sprint by Cap’n Hat saw him blow a fetlock and pull up lame. track sidetrack sidetrack sideWhilst immediately replaced a trackside examination indicated it was too early to consider putting him down though it is not expected he will recover for next week’s rematch.

A fair but hard fought result leading to a combined post match celebration by both teams before it all starts again next week.