The RELICS: Coach Vic Turns Professional!

In an amazingly unselfish display Coach Vic withdrew himself from the playing roster to face the Smuggler’s to give full concentration to his coaching duties. Pre-game chatter was optimistic despite the previous results against the Smuggler’s this year as Coach Vic brought further adjustments to the starting line up.

In major moves, probably designed to shore up the back line, Downhill Dave was moved to sweeper and Statue to right back. The early play was relatively even, despite the propensity of the Smuggler’s to run, and pass, and tackle, tactics somewhat unfamiliar at times to the Relics. However at around the 10 minute mark Roy suffered a twinge to some part of his anatomy and was soon headed for the bench in the hope that a buxom Swedish masseuse might be available for a rub down, but no luck there. This brought Dallas into the fray causing some difficulty for the Smuggler’s flanker as he was no longer able to run around a defender.

Whether the introduction of Dallas unsettled the back line is still under investigation but the solid defence, anchored by Downhill Dave, was rocked when an innocuous cross came in from the Smuggler’s right and despite Man Mountain having it well covered nothing could have overcome the Maximillion factor. This tireless workhorse was once again right on the spot to meet the cross and as happens at least once a year managed to deflect the ball so casually that even Man Mountain, although getting a hand to it, was unable to prevent the own goal. Relics down one.

Shortly after conceding, the Relic’s recovered their composure, moving the ball around nicely with it finally ending out wide on the right with The Hat. Taking a moment to compose himself The Hat, with the deftness of a Tiger Wood’s five iron drive to the green, lofted a long range shot (?) sending the ball streaking towards it’s target. The Smuggler’s keeper, clearly taunted by the on coming ball, rushed off his line and then whether he was blinded by the midday sun or as more likely by the audacity of The Hat taking a shot from such distance failed in his judgement. The ball falling short of the keeper then rose sharply after landing clearly evidencing the degree of top spin placed upon it by The Hat to bounce over the keeper and lodge securely in the Smuggler’s net.

The remainder of the first half was relatively uneventful although a dazzling run by the Diamond saw him take the ball out of the grasp of the Smuggler’s keeper then realising he was heading the wrong way and with all the grace and speed of the Titanic he turned to face the goal. Possibly already hearing the hero worship ring in his ears he studied the situation. "Do I slam it at the near post, do I slide it past the keeper to the far or do I chip him??" Too many questions and in the end a simple back pass resulted in a grateful keeper hardly moving. One all at the break.

The second half commenced whilst the Relic’s were still enjoying a siesta and a lack of coordination down the middle quickly saw the Smuggler’s play some silky smooth football resulting in a two on one against Man Mountain and the tie was broken.

For much of the period the game was lacklustre with the Relics scrambling defence often required and ball control not overly evident. Around three quarter time a clearly distressed Silver Brumby, overcome by intense agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) from having too much room on the left hand side, took a short break on the side to regain his composure. This seemed to spur the Relics on as they also became aware of the space. Ball movement improved and despite starting to exert some pressure the defence was unable to match a counter attack and the Smuggler’s went to 3-1 up.

From the restart the Relics continued to use the space and in the final 10 minutes of the game opportunities opened up. In one display of unselfish play the Diamond and Micheldinho (mojo may still be missing) cracked the Smuggler defence only to both be reluctant to shoot. The short interchange of passes eventually ending when the Diamond hit a dynamic shot only to have the keeper parry it away. The Relics clearly ended with the better chances but they went unconverted and the result remained unchanged.