The Empresses new boots...

A stylish new look for posh this season. Custom made for day /evening wear. Will be a standout all season....

The Relics Form Guide

The Kincumber Relics have commissioned form guru Ken Callander to run his eye over the Relics for 2012 as they head into their first trial game this weekend. Ken’s form analysis reads:

Banker Boy Former top-liner who retains his zest for racing. Recent injuries have hampered his preparation for this campaign. Capable on his day and look to him when the going gets tough. Watch betting.
Belldale Ball Spirited gelding and former hurdler who is finding his feet on the flat. Comes to hand quickly and sprints well fresh. Usually plays in blinkers. Expect a bold showing.
Sulo Star Dour one-pacer suited to staying events. Will go all day (and night). Rumoured to have changed stables during his summer spell. Returns to racing after an unsuccessful stint at stud. Stays under notice.
Black Crowiar Veteran campaigner and stable star. Can quicken when whipped and will be full of running at the finish. Recently returned from a successful oversees campaign. Will make his presence felt.
Toe Jam Reliable conveyance who rarely puts in a bad run. Has been in training for some time and expect bold showing first up. Watch any market moves.
Bold Becks Impressively bred stallion with an exceptional strike rate. Stable star. Trained to the minute. Races handy and has won under all conditions. Go close.
Shadow Chaser Former Ascot and Doncaster star who has equipped himself well under Australian conditions. Capable of leading or taking a sit. Consistent performer who is well suited under the weight for age scale. Threat.
Rangiranghowler Spirited sprinter who is difficult to catch over the shorter trips. Can mix his form and usually needs a tight rein to produce his best. Look to him to improve his strike rate in 2012. Likes to lead .
Mr Blackbeard Under-rated performer who is at his best on fast tracks. Fitter for recent outings and likely to figure early. Has played well without luck in past preparations . Do not overlook.
Axe Mark Ungainly galloper with a big heart. Likes hard work. Comfortable in any conditions. Likely improver. Take on trust.
Head Butt Cheap buy from a Packenham ‘tried and true’ sale. Having his first season in the Relics stable and has shown some promise on the training track. Can tend to over race and expect his form to improve as the season progresses. Look to others.
Victorious Pint sized dynamo who has set the football field on-fire for many years. Multiple award winner who sets the standard for this age and grade. Expect a huge campaign. The one to watch.
Old Smokey Striking grey who has returned from stud duties. Renown for his powerful finishing burst at stud. Form has looked good on the training paddock and a strong showing is expected in 2012. Capable on his day.
The Fascinator Talented performer who is up in weights after some great performances in his last campaign. Suited to all conditions. Never runs a bad race.
Thewizthatwaz Seasoned performer who has had his share of injuries in recent outings. Looks to be carrying a bit of condition. Likely to need a few runs to find best form. Later.
The Rubber Rod One from the top draw. Versatile. Handy in the wet. Also likes it hard and fast. Responds well to the whip. Sure to be prominent.
Debbie Does Barrier rogue who is prone to pig root mid race. Brought down another runner at his last start. Returning from a short lay-off. Tongue-tie is off for this campaign. Likes to come from the rear. Watch market moves closely.
Mr Brady Having his first start for a new stable. Not seen in recent trials. Prefer to see. Looking elsewhere.

Ken Callander

A True Pommie- A Picture Tells a Thousand Words

Most of us don't notice our resident pom. Flying under the radar, he stealthily remains a shadow, pretending to dislike darts and to like cold beer, but some of us know better. His knowledge of English fourth division football clubs, spiky Adam Ant hairstyle and love of a cuppa tea give him away. And then there's his training get up. At our last Sunday training run he dazzled us all with his sartorial elegance, obviously straight from Saville Row. But most freakily can anyone else see the resemblance to the below super hero. Could we say, Captain England by day, shadow by night? Surely it's the same person, or maybe, only the shadow knows.....

Saturday Game and After Party

Hi Guys.

First trial match this Saturday at Narara Valley High school. Please be there by 12.30 for Relics shirt presentation, kick off 1pm. Opponents Kincumber 45D's- Simon, Kev, Muzz, Craig etc. We will be missing at least 3 players, possibly 4 so bring your game.

Also don't forget the Gosford Cavemen's band at the Rock & Roll night with $5 cover charge at Bill Sohier Hall, Shirley St Ourimbah from 6 pm till midnight. Food and drink available at cheap prices.

Go Relics

Waz survives no-confidence vote 7-6

In a tension-filled meeting the Relics have delivered Waz the captain-coach mantle for 2012.

This was the surprise outcome after the Axe moved a no-confidence motion earlier in the meeting. The knives were out! Whilst the no-confidence vote was a secret affair it is believed that the "Empire Bay Tavern" voting block carried the clearly nervous Waz to victory.

With restored confidence Waz nominated himself for captain and after an impassioned plea to fellow Relics about what he would bring to the team he was duly elected.

Sources close to the team believe that "sweeteners" were offered to Sulo and the Axe by Waz as reward for them to stand down leaving him as the only nomination. Expect Sulo and Axe to get plenty of game time in season 2012!

Congratulations to Waz on his election.

In his acceptance speech Waz launched into a spirited tirade about his expectations. He eye-balled his team. Axe and Smokey were told to ditch the fags. Becks was told to lose 30kgs. Head, Blackbeard and Ball were instructed to get haircuts. Dallas was installed as GK and the team was warned to expect a back to basics approach to training!

Waz re-affirmed his commitment to a cutting edge, contemporary approach to coaching and also shared some thoughts on some key plays the Relics will be using in 2012.

The views expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the author.

Flem throws Hat out of Ring

The leadership battle took a twist yesterday when the Hat declared he is a non-runner. Sources close to the team believe that a campaign will be mounted to install Axe into the position...watch this space and don't turn your mobile off!

Leadership Crisis in the Relics

A leadership spill is expected at training next Wednesday as a number of players vie for the Captain’s job in 2012. Disunity is rife in the Relics camp. It is understood, that in a secret meeting at the Empire Bay Tavern several weeks ago several relics got into the coach Waz’s ear demanding the leadership. It is rumoured Waz prefers a “leadership team”. Whilst details are sketchy it is likely that the following candidates will put themselves forward; Howler, Ball, Wild Thing, Hat and new boy Head. It is also understood that Dallas may be a surprise nomination!

Hat remains firm favourite.

Coach Waz is expected to ruled himself out as he has not been able to secure a vote from any player including himself.

After a week of frantic phone calls and damaging cat calling it is understood the voting pattern next week will go as follows:

Howler, Ashley & Jacki

Thing, Hat, Dallas & Ida

Crowy, Vic, Dildo, Toe, Blackbeard & Rosanna

Ball, Ida & John Doe



Head, Tolly, Banker, Ida & Smokey




Robbie Deans, Becks & Shadow

Waz is yet to show his hand. By the way Where's Waz.

Can't wait for the show down on Wednesday!

Relics New Trophy

The Relics now have a new trophy in remembrance of our team mate"Statue".

It will be yearly inhouse award for 'Best and Fairest' contribution to the team, (both on and off the field).

In saying that it will not necessarily go each year to the beer bitch.

Crowy.

We are one Club- Lets Help Out

Hi Guys. As you know there was a coaches and managers meeting last night to sort out the teams for 2012. It became apparent that there are several teams with too many, and several with too few. The Allstars have too few and could not currently field a team. Rather than the club lose one of its Over 45 teams, I suggested that the Relics could give 4 players to the Allstars, as there are several players in 35Ds who can now sub up for both teams if required. This is just like Second Division English Clubs loaning players to Premier league.

After discussing by phone with coach Waz, we've decided to have a skills drill to select the four that should join the elite group in the A's. Skill tests start this Wednesday night, and if you are absent without apology you're automatically promoted.
Skills tested will include dribbling , shooting and passing.



Specifically dribbling sh*t, shooting your mouth off and passing the blame.

Mgr Hat

Key Dates- 2012

Sat 10 March. Trial Match Narara- Oppponents TBA
Sat 10 March Rock N Roll Night- Gosford Soccer Charity Night Ourimbah Hall
Sat 17 March Trial 1pm Narara. Opponents Wyoming 35s
Sat 31 March Trial- 1pm Narara. Opponents Gosford Cavemen
Sat 14 April Season Starts

Any ideas for weekend 24/25 March- Team (and wives) BBQ Host ?

Trial Game

Details about the starting line-up for the Relics first trial match have been leaked to the press. A cleanly shaven (thank God) Coach Waz - pictured below - has challenged the accuracy of the information. The leaked team is:

GK - I. George

Sweeper - I. George

RB - I. George

LB - I. George

CB - I. George

RM - I. George

CM - I. George

LM - I. George

Striker - I. George

Striker - I. George

Striker - I. George

Subs - I. George, I. George, I. George, I. George.

Coach Waz added that the leaked team was his first impressions of whom he considered would best in each position. He said more thinking was needed on the squad.

AAP

A Howler of a pillow !

After discussions last Wednesday night, it became evident that our resident howler likes his bed way too much on Sunday mornings. Now being the nice person I am, I have to assume his attachment is to his pillow, and not any other regular Sunday morning bedroom activities. Howlever, despite the unnatural attachment he is still going to turn up this Sunday at 9 am. Greg to help you feel better at training, I've arranged for above delivery !

Tips for Registering

Hi Guys.

If you haven't already registered then next Saturday at Davo from 10 to 1 pm is your last formal chance. Having seen the system both days, its way quicker and easier if you register online. I understand you can also pay by credit card on line but I haven't verified this.

If you want to pay cash or eftpos, or need a family or loyalty discount, its still best that you register online and then bring the printed invoice to rego with you. Or if you cant make it, see me with the invoice and cash and I'll fix it for you.

Note- There is a fault in the FFA system which requires you to put an email address in the second emergency contact. Otherwise it wont let you through. You can just put in your own as its not used for anything by the club. Dont forget to load a photo at some stage. Its not needed to register but is needed before too much longer.
If you have any troubles or queries, simply phone me.

Mgr Hat

Team Organisation and Housekeeping- 2012

One of the problems with electing by default is you have to take what you're given so you've got me as manager.

Just so you understand, here's how I'll operate the communication.

Anything thats more than a week ahead will go on the blog. I expect you to check it at least once a week. Texts can get expensive, so I'll keep texts mainly for changed details and important reminders, but I'm not your mum, the blog should be.

I don't want to hear if you are coming to something, only contact me if you are not coming. I will assume no advice as confirmation that you will be there. Plain courtesy, and just makes the job way easier.
When season starts I don't need apologies on training nights, just let Wizz or me know if you are injured for Saturdays (preferably by Thursday lunch)

Our new shirts have arrived and will be handed out at first practice match. You will be responsible for your own number all year. Kit bag will have 5 spares for subs and knuckleheads who forget theirs. Number 10 will be retired for this season only.

Yearly fees will remain at $100 per player to cover ref fees and incidentals.
Beer will remain at $2.50 as the kitty apparently made enough last year even with the washouts.

I will only pass on club messages when I think you need to know, otherwise I'll simply fill Wiz in.

Now our playing tops have arrived we can start looking at a game day polo as our Relics artwork is set up. I'll talk to you all about this over next few weeks.

We also need somebody (not me) to begin organising the end of season trip. Tempus Fugit (no Mick thats not a reference to your habits)

Mgr Hat

5 Weeks to get Match fit- Practice Match Dates

Hi Guys.

Following dates are organised for practice matches.
Sat 10 March Narara Valley High School Opposition Hopefully Wyoming 35s again
Sat 17 March NVHS Opposition TBC Maybe SEU ?
Sat 31 March NVHS Opposition Gosford Cavemen Kick off 2.10 PM

All will be afternoon games. Season starts Saturday 14 April.

So we have two spare weekends to organise any other kicks etc. My intention would be to have a kick on Easter Sunday, as I won't be going anywhere and hopefully Frost will be open for us.

Mgr Hat

3 New Team Managers- Posh, Becks and Dave C

In typical Relics style , the team elected 3 new managers at their Sunday run, by their trusty system of "if your not here, then your it" !! Almost everybody turned up for the Sunday training (including our esteemed coach Wiz), except one body, the triple talented multiple personality Posh/ Becks/ Dave C.



As we didn't quite know which of them would be the best manager, we unanimously elected all 3 to be Relics Manager for 2012 !!


Here they are:






1) Posh- Simpering ineffectual footballer but popular at post game showers,

2) Becks the Gruff, would be Footballer, always threatening but not quite delivering (on and off field)

3) Dave C, Consummate wordsmith and allround good guy. )

* Posh/ Becks/ Dave - Please phone Flemo for a list of your new duties, player details, esky list, ground and first aid requirements, paperwork, meetings to attend, equipment specifications, training schedules, shirt size and payment details etc etc

May I Plaaayy !

Then don't forget to rego early. Rego details are on Club website but essentially are first two Saturdays in Feb, February 4 & 11 from 10.00am to 1.00pm at Davistown RSL Club.

Also Sunday February 5, from 2pm to 5pm at Kincumber Hotel. I understand on line rego will also be open shortly. A new FFA rego system will be in use so I have no idea of what's needed but suggest photo ID as a minimum. I will find out.

Relics are at home in a Corporate Box !

A huge thanks go to Phil (Wild Thing), who was unable to attend a corporate enclosure at Sydney v Mariners at SFS last Sunday. Phil had won it, but was going to be away, so in a marvellous spirit of bonhomie, he offered it to Rosanna and I to use to reward those who helped with our recent working bee.

Needless to say, it was keenly accepted. The 12 who could make it were Alice Allan, Crowy and son, Recko, Howler, Blackbeard, Toe and (soon to be) Mrs Kathy Toe, Banker, Muzz Netheim, Mickledildo and Hat.

We travelled by train and in true Relics style had a few cold ones during the walk from Central to the SFS. We did the Relics proud, being first into the corporate area, first to open the eski (against policy but nobody told us about RSA!) and last to leave the ground. There was even enough good red wine for Alice, Wheats and me to be content. The lady? security Nazi told us to be quiet when we were the only ones left in the stadium except for the unused players who were exercising. We were no where near as noisy as the Cove earlier, and the Mariners subs appreciated our encouragement. The food and drink were great, and lots of it. In the spirit of carmeraderie for which the Relics are widely known, we even all showered together on the way home !!

Phil so sorry you missed it, here's a couple of shots of a wonderful spread.

Are you fit enough? First Run for 2012

Hi all.

Training at 5.45 every Wednesday in the usual spot. No Roos gear please. Esky will be fully fit, what about the rest of you?

Nice Flowers

Add caption

Steve, you may be 'The Hat' but I have spies everywhere.

Nice to see you and the family got flowers for Rosanna in Roos, I mean Relics colours.

Hope the food is okay and the vampires aren't too vicious Rosanna.