Line up 7.

Kick off 2:25pm V Gosford on Frost 1.

RELICS RUE THE HAND OF POSH‏

First game of round 2 & the Relics were looking forward to giving lowly Doyalson a good old fashion thrashing.

Ass Bin Coach left to his own devices with Waz lost in Woy Woy, decided to tweak the team, putting himself up front in the hope of scoring a goal to get off the nudie run and moved Wheats back to sweeper to annoy the backline.

New signing Bella deciding to have a quick bite before leaving West Gosford at the Asian Star, lost track of time & turned up right on kick off forcing new subman Howler to turn back the clock & dust the mothballs off Smokey & his goal keeping kit for the first 7 minutes of play, it was a tense 7 minutes but as soon as Bella was ready Smokey was hooked. Never before had a Relic been given a standing ovation by fellow players & spectators for doing absolutely nothing and Smokey sauntered off to the bench with the crys of CLEANSHEET, CLEANSHEET ringing in his ears.

The rest of the Relics meanwhile were doing their best to nail a goal & get the ball rolling on what should be a huge victory, the new look frontline, SULO, VIC & CROW tried valiantly but were turned away by a determined defence & equally determined keeper. BANKER slammmed what looked like a winner only to have it cannon off an unsuspecting fullback bludging on the goal line. time after time the Relics were thwarted, a shot from HAT hit the post.
To add insult to injury the Relics main weapon ( and I MEAN WEAPON ) the DILDO sucuumbed to a life long ailment LIMPWRISTITIS & was forced to leave the field for treatment and to prevent the spread of it to other players on the team. Shortly after the CROW limped to the sideline with a bad case of heel spur, a legacy of his cowboy days with the Village People. Players were dropping like flys & the submans job was becoming very difficult, to his credit subman held his nerve made some crucial changes getting TOLLY & SMOKEY on the park up front & the result was GOALA. A nice interchange of passes amongst several players saw TOLLY finish off a nice cross from SMOKEY.

Doyalson weren't lying down though and made some good inroads into the Relics goal zone, the Relics backline held firm and looked to have everything under control until a lone wolf snuck under their guard & tripped over inside the box earning himself a chance at an equaliser. BELLA no doubt inspired by SMOKEYS earlier cleansheet & possibly refreshed from his Chinese chow down dived and saved yet another difficult shot. BANKER was showing a lot more of his rarely seen running game obviously aligning himself with SULOS thoughts that there were goals to be had out there & I want one !! He also showed he liked head... putting his to the ball on several occaisions and repelling the DOYLO attack.

Half time came and POSH in his first game back pulled the young subman aside & said "youve got to put me up front, I'm the only one that can do it, I'm the fittest, fastest & I've proved I can score before, this game was made for me" Who knows what the subman was thinking maybe he thought POSH could do it, maybe he thought the 2 crisp 50 dollar bills POSH had slipped into his hand would come in handy later at the Asian Star, regardless POSH was going on up front.

The second half saw DOYLO play their whole side back and the ball rarely left their side of halfway. SO many opportunities for the RELICS to sow the game up but they just couldnt get it over the line. VIC went the closest with a great strike that drifted over the bar. Another shot mishandled by the keeper bounced agonisingly close to the goaline but AGAIN NO GOAL !
POSH having the time of his life up front called to the bench"how easy is it up here ?" to which the Subman responded " try running for a change " No sooner had POSH attempted this foreign idea he was bought crashing to earth by a jelly bellied fullback (welcome to our world POSH). Inside the box it looked like goal #2 was coming but like so many other decisions the ref made that day DOYLO got the benefit of the doubt.
POSH was spewing & suggested to the ref maybe POSH could demonstrate the tackle on THE REF after the game!

In what became the greatest turning point of the game POSH, possibly still affected by his earlier altercation, couldnt help himself when another mishandled save from DOYLOs keeper bounced free & on a beeline to the goal mouth & with no one to stop it POSH decided to give it a nudge and claim the GLORY. Phil Gould would have said NO NO NO NO NO POSH, & thats exactly what the ref said, no doubt remembering POSHs earlier tackle threat.

Still the RELICS were in front & time was ticking down but one still had the feeling we needed another one to finish them off. 10 minutes to go & DOYLO finally got the ball inside the RELICS back end (sounds painful ) & it was painful to watch as the RELICS who had all dropped back to defend continuously put the ball out for corners & throw ins giving DOYLO repeat sets inside the RELICS goal area. JUST KICK THE SHIT OUT OF IT SOMEONE ! was the cry from the bench & finally someone did, probably SULO who was running around like a rabid drovers dog chasing everything that moved & barking encouragement to everyone.
Just when everyone thought thatsDOYLO player drilled a long range shot into the net, much to the pleasure of the well lubricated DOYLO supporters.

Obviously the RELICS were gutted with some players upping & leaving without a word. Someone commented a draw was like kissing your sister to which HAT the big Taswegian responded "whats wrong with that? (maybe they have a lot of draws in Tassie ) grabbed his mum & said lets go find sis.

Howler

19th May‏

All 3 games in the round had a 1-1 draw. What are the odds ? At least we didn't actually lose points.
A game we should really have won. They played a defensive game for most of the match with the odd long kick in the hope that their forwards would run with it.
Some ordinary refereeing with one side given free kicks for tackles against them and the other side not receiving one - that would have been us.
Throw ins that I would have pulled up being allowed to proceed.
A Direct Penalty against us which Bella saved and a worse tackle against us in their box without a free penalty to us.
Mick breaking his arm - out for 6-8 weeks. , Pete pulling up injured. Not sure about Tony's head/teeth.
Missing multiple goals either wide or being saved by their keeper ( who kept them in the game ).
Our second goal being disallowed.
Them scoring in the last 5 minutes and not being able to respond - their players going down with injuries dragging out time.
All in all I thought we played a good game with support all the way from the backs to the front just again we fell short scoring - not from lack of trying just couldn't get past the numbers in their box.


Grant

Training new kick off time, 6:30pm

This Wednesday will finish at 7:30pm due to State of Origin.

Brokendihno

Looks like I am gone for a fair while. Dislocated fracture of wrist reset, thankfully, without surgery.

Can someone pick me up for training so I can get on the piss?

Line up 6.

Kick off 2:40 at Doyalson Field 1

RELICS CRASH BACK TO EARTH‏

What a difference a week can make, just when we thought POSH had gone to Gosford and freed up another place on the Relics roster for someone that CAN play, the deal fell through leaving the Relics stuck with a liability that may haunt them for the rest of the year. Meanwhile the Relics other major liability HEAD, displayed the form that he had been signed for with a man AFTER the match performance drinking effort to put to bed any talk he will be leaving the team in the near future.


With a team roster bordering on the ridiculous the Relics entered todays bout with the Woy Woy Wankers as distinct favourites, Super coach WAZ, taking the diplomatic approach to the team selection stood himself down to avoid dissent amongst the minnions, remembering only AFTER the game that he is unavailable for next weeks game and should have played today.


Coaching from the sideline WAZ  & ASS caused absolute confusion amongst the RELICS ranks as they both called conflicting instructions to their willing disciples, unfortunately the result was GOALA  Woy Woy. A neat header from #11, gave BELLA no chance & once again the Relics were behind the 8 ball.


It didn't take long for the Relics to respond and once again that MAN MIKLDILDO stepped up to the plate slamming home one of the best strikes seen since WAZ planted THAT goal against Berkley Vale all those years ago. Just when the Relics supporters were feeling good about themselves the Woy Woy Wankers responded immediately with another un contested header this time from Kenny Rogers on loan from the ARKANSAS CHUGGERBUGS. 


FUCKOFF woy woy was all IDA could stammer in between beers 5 & 6 as the Wankers finished the half slightly on top of the Relics, going in to half time the bench had bets the  Relics would either turn it all around, or IDA WOULD FALL OVER.


Second half and SMOKEY must have wished he was ET & could have have called HOME!! and been whisked off the planet as he gifted the WANKERS with their  third goal, never mind Tony at least you out lasted Howler on the pitch for the 3rd game in a row, those penis warmers u use for knee guards really work!!!


FUCKOFF was the phrase of the day as this time the WANKERS supporters gave it to the ref after he gave the RELICS a spot kick when DILDO was bought down inside the box. WHEATS always on the sniff for a cheap goal stepped up but fortunately sanity prevailed and the guy who used to look like JAGGER but now looks like Keith Richard, the DILDO, took control and realising he had nothing better to do with his life than play geriatric soccer, duly slotted the penalty.


The Relics never gave up & the WANKERS just kept coming, another premier league save from super buy BELLA kept the scores at 3-2 till fulltime, and the Relics wandered off knowing they could probably take this mob next time.


Beer bitch SMOKEY was some what mystified after the game that so few RELICS stood up & played the more important game of drinking the eskies dry, whilst certain players excel on the field another crop run the off field show, ably led by IDA, HEAD, HAT, BALL, DILDO ,AXE & some other drunks the RELICS end of season  trip is in good hands.


HOWLER AGAIN

Relics Fail to Walk the Talk

Each team has now played each other as round five of the CCF O45B concluded on Saturday. The Relics are in fourth spot after failing to secure a higher position after an intense 2-3 loss to the Woy Woy Roosters. A win would have ensured a significant gap between them and the bottom two teams.

The Relics went into the match with a strong bench but missing some key players due to injury. Coach Waz, in consultation with Ass. Coach Bin, decided to rest Becks for another week not wanting to risk him so early in the season. Darchinyan, in a similar vein, had not fully recovered from injury and he too was left to spectator duties. Waz was a shock withdrawal minutes from start time due to a mystery virus. A similar virus hampered JJ the jet plane the previous week. Obviously hampered by his unsightly cold sores Waz saw his withdrawal as an opportunity to closely scrutinise the Relics form from the sideline.

Woy Woy went to an early lead when a lone Rooster was allowed by the Relics’ backs to put a simple header past Donna. This simple error put the Relics on the back foot for much of the first half until the mercurial Mickledildo loaded up on a fantastic cross ball from Jet to volley the ball into the back of the net. The Rooster in the goals had no chance. This spurred the Relics on and after a number of attacking raids the Relics were unlucky not to have scored another goal or two.

In a devastating blow, the most important 100 grams of meat in the Relics team, Howlers hammy, was torn off the bone as he took off for a characteristic dart in attack. Howler was in agony as he limped to the sideline. With no sympathy from the sideline a lame Howler dragged his dodgy leg to the esky to make his own ice-pack.

At 1-1 and seemingly with the upper hand the Relics were dealt a second cruel blow as the Roosters were able to score in circumstances eerily similar to their first goal. The Relics failed to properly mark up and a lone cock was again able to head a ball past Donna. The Relics found themselves down 2-1 and with half time looming the Relics body language was not good. Several Relics also looked to have a body image problem.

Tonk dominated the first half and was responsible for some brilliant through balls and several creditable long range shots on goal. Tonk’s play has improved sharply in recent weeks and he is quickly emerging as one of the Relics key men in defence and attack. The Axe, heavily congested due to a cold and carrying more pseudo-ephedrine on board than a crystal meth lab, regularly got in behind the Roosters backs and threatened on several occasions. Marquee signing Head, obviously feeling the effects of playing two games each Saturday, looked good on the ball but struggled in the going on the lush grass cover at Frost 2.

Following some acerbic words from Waz and a steely glare from Bin the Relics took to the second half determined to make amends for their mistakes in the first half. The second period was dour affair with the ball moving from one end of the field to the other with neither team really dominating the play. Eventually, however, the Roosters were able to consolidate a 3-1 lead after a mishap in the box which allowed a simple shot.

At this point new glove-man Donna went ballistic threatening to walk if the Relics did not get their act together. He made it clear he was not known as “Mr Cleansheet” by previous teams for no reason!!

Obviously stunned by the outburst the Relics dug deep and despite running uphill and into the wind seemed to find another gear – second gear! It wasn’t long before Mickledildo, doing his best Matt Mitcham impersonation, won a penalty for the Relics. With Becks injured Mickledildo stepped forward to convert.

At 2-3 the Relics tried valiantly to equalise but to no avail. Wreckin Ball tried his best to unsettle the Roosters with some strong challenges and trash talk whilst Banker tried earnestly to inspire some Relics attack.

Post match most Relics were lamenting an opportunity lost with a belief that the Roosters are definitely beatable. Others to have strong games included the ageless Shadow, Toe and Blackbeard. Old Crow and Smokey also gave 100 percent.

The highlight of the day, however, occurred an hour after the game when Tonk donned his game-keeper attire to head off to work at Taronga Zoo. Not known to many, Tonk has a second job as a lion handler.

Line up 5

12:40 kick off at Frost field 2 v Woy Woy

RELICS RETURN TO THE WINNING CIRCLE‏

After their huge 1st round victory many believed this was to be the year of the RELICS, subsequent inept performances in rounds 2 & 3, found the team going into round 4 against the Berkeley Vale Rustics as clear underdogs. Missing key personnel Vic & Flemo, the team was bolstered by the return of Howler, fresh from a playing stint in the Thai transgender league with FC Ladyboys, and shock new signing Mark Bella Newton, coming into the side as goal keeper( much to the relief of Dallas....... & the rest of the team).
The Relics took up the attack early in the first half and Howler showed he had lost none of his speed by racing onto a sublime thru ball from Dildo, Howler also showed he had gained no skills whatsover whilst in Thailand by spraying his shot towards the corner post.
The Relic front line & midfield continued to pepper the Rustics goal area to no avail, many of the shots were taken too far out and gave the keeper little trouble, passing at this stage was a little bit off and stifled many a promising attack, typically after having all the ball & territory the Relics backline, probably bored from watching endless shots up field go no where, decided that the Rustics strikers were off side & refused to chase them, what they hadnt taken into account was a) no linesman to make the call b) the ref is a berkeley vale junior and c) Sulo was behind everyone asking Bella if he could make next weeks game, and the result.....GOALA.
The rest of the half was a see sawing affair, the Rustics lifted by their goal created more chances and were duly rewarded when given a contentious penalty by local Robbie the Ref. Smokey who had surprised everyone at this stage by playing so long finally sucuumbed to his hip/ calf/ knee /ankle /hamstring /big toe injury and fell into the back of the Rustics player. All eyes were on Bella as his first real test as Relics keeper arrived, a classy effort almost kept it out but the result ......GOALA. The Rustics continued to dominate and were making breaks at will, only a fine save by Bella thwarted what could have been a 3 nil half time score.
Half time and the Relics heads were down, staring at three in a row the players looked towards the brains trust for inspiration, what could the brains trust come up with to turn this game around?...........................
.................... if it had been night time all you would have heard were the crickets.. NOTHING !!!! So the players trudged back out none the wiser for the second half, what they probably didn't realise was the Rustics were even more headless than them and the Rustics didn't have any more subs... WHEW !
Shadow as he often does pulled a shot/ cross from some where which some how beat the bemused keeper and got the Relics off to the start they needed, the Relics lifted and Dildo led the way up front curling a nice shot into the top corner of the net, at this point the Rustics realised they were in shit, the Relics were running amok with Tolly & Dildo combining beautifully up front and the midfield following through nicely, it wasn't long before Howler slotted a rebound from another Dildo shot past the keeper & the Relics were in front for the first time.
The Rustics were out on their feet but the Relics couldn't afford to slow down, the Rustics went close to scoring from a couple of corners which kept the Relic fans on the edge of their seats, at the other end numerous Relic raids, particularly down the right side fizzed out due to poor passing or finishing, Tolly & Tonk both having one on one chances with the keeper that they'd prefer their bemused children on the sideline had not seen.
Finally the Relics were rewarded when Wheats, head down weaved his way thru the tiring Rustics defence and slotted home a nice goal, John & Wiz proved their success in the pizza shop was no fluke when they combined to send Wiz on his way, Wiz took one in the jatz but stoically pushed on with one of the balls finally finding the net, finally ( I THINK ) John showed some of the pizza shop skills he is famous for by flipping the ball over the keeper & into an open goal..........GOALA X 6
A good second half by all, helped tho by a weary opposition we need to lift another gear next week and play all game.
Whilst the Relics celebrated with a few cold ones after the game they were gifted with some further good news in that POSH, who mistakenly turned up to training in his Gosford colours before feigning injury & shooting off to Gavenlock has indeed signed with the CAVEMEN, and HEAD who has found that he cannot bear to train or play against his former team mates at the 35Ds, & was a notable absentee at the Relics game preferring to rub shoulders and probably the odd appendage with his old team mates at their game will be asked to donate whatever beer money he spent with the 35Ds into our kitty, fairs fair HEAD you were signed on for what you could contribute to the kitty!

Howler

Rustics fade as Relics Rampage

John Terry or Mickledinho?

In Posh's absence.

Fans in the Eastern end of the Chittaway Grandstand were treated to a feast of goals this weekend when the Kincumber Relics came to the Berkley Vale Rustics Cauldren for the much anticipated 4th round of the CCF 45B competition.

As much as the overused pun "it was a game of two halves is used" this was very much the case with Rustics going in at half time at 2 up only to be hammered by 6 unanswered goals from a  Relics outfit that showed they know no mercy when it comes to football.

The first half revealed that Relics had the potential to dominate this match but every player on the pitch accept maybe Banker had made 2 errors each.
Unfortunately for new keeper Bella these were both goals he failed to save. First game back Relics were prepared to let the veteran keeper off the hook however more will be expected if he is not to see his contract ending up on the toilet floor at Fortress Frost.

Half time found most players staring at the ground as all the players knew it was back on the pitch where we could prove what we were made of, this of course didn't stop Coach Wiz from berating us and telling us to wake the hell up. Toe's point that we were adjusting to playing on a pitch that was flat with short grass was probably an accurate assessment as to players misjudged kicks, passes in the first forty.

Early in the second half the lack of subs for the Rustics showed they would have been more than happy to stay in the sheds and not come out. Relics also started to nail their passes and find the space that was there to be had. It wasn't long before Relics legendary Shadow swooped in from the left and snuck one past the near post.

It was a start, but in what was the goal of the match, Mickledinho turned back the clock and fired a strike from just inside the box in the middle of the pitch that rocketed into the net off the inside of the left upright. This goal set the wheels in motion and signalled the Relics were ready to set to go on with the job. Wiz and Howler scored goals that both found the keepers gloves but were able to pick up the rebound and fire the pill into the pouch.

Rustics made some attempted inroads down the left side of the park but there was clearly no fuel left in the tank as Bella and the rest of the Relics defence easily repelled any attack.

Jaffa then juggled nicely beating the keeper putting away number five. I was then lucky enough to take advantage of an exhausted Rustics defence to have a share in the goal bounty.

Tolly was luckless towards the end with a power shot into the keeper.
Overall the second half saw all players, too many to mention, link together some great passing to see home the result.

Relics can expect Rustics to be stronger in the next round, possibly recruiting some much needed subs.

Well done Relics!

Line up 4

1:25pm kick off at Chittaway Oval

Avoca Win First Leg of the Derby

Hearing only the post match banter, it was a game with a number of talking points and that was about it.

Berkley Vale may have gone down 5-2 to Gosford but its worth noting that they managed to put 2 goals past Gosford during the match, something we could not do during our last encounter with Gosford.

Looking forward to it, see you at training.

Line up 3.

12:00pm kick off at Frost field 2.

JT Howcroft

Relics Fail to Fire

The Relics have lost their Round 2 clash 2-0 against competition favourites the Gosford Cavemen in a game of two halves. The Cavemen were able to score twice in the first half with the Relics backs finding it difficult to effectively cover the Cavemen strikers. The quality of the Relics play was further compromised with some poor passing.


The Relics had trouble controlling the midfield because the defensive four seemed to be at sixes and sevens trying to fend off wave after wave of Cavemen attack. It did not help that there was only one linesman, and in the first half he was keeping us honest! It was also clear that former great whistle-blower John Thomas Howcroft, who officiated in the 1920 FA Cup Final between Aston Villa and Huddersfield, was having trouble picking up off-side play from the centre circle. At one point it looked as though Howcroft was re-living his boyhood when, as a sixth-former at Rugby school, his mate William Webb Ellis picked up the ball in a school-game of football, ran with it, and rugby union was born. [Not that we are blaming the incomparable Howcroft for the result – the best team won on the day]

The second half was much better for the Relics. The space the Cavemen had up front in the first half disappeared in the second. As a result the Relics regained the midfield and were unlucky not to score on several occasions. Banker, Wazz and Tonk had strong games. Ass Coach Bin chased everything that moved and it was great to see the pocket dynamo Darchinyan back on the paddock.

The Relics again lost several players before the kick-off and started the match with only one fit substitute and during the match several Relics including Jet and Becks sustained ankle/calf injuries. In a show of great team spirited Jet volunteered to keep goals while the versatile Dallas took to the field to re-kindle his battle with The Ninja.

The Cavemen, who were given a last minute reprieve to stay in the ‘B’ division, have recruited well in the off-season, introducing a couple of new knuckle-draggers in their ranks.

The Relics will look forward to their return clash at Fortress Frost and with all men available it may well be a different outcome.

PS Boys – Half time was ugly. Let’s pull together. Remember the Relic way - don’t get mad, just get even (next time).

'Cavemen treat us like Pebbles'

But well toughed out in the second half guys, looked hard going in the heat.

Line up 2

2:10pm kick off at Gavenlock field 2

CAVEMEN FIREUP!!

Let's not let them treat us as 'Pebbles'

Table

Rank	Team	P	W	L	D	F	A	GD	Pts  Adj	Pt
1	Kincumber Roos F.C.	1	1	0	0	7	2	5		3
2	Avoca Football Club Inc	1	1	0	0	4	0	4		3
3	Gosford City Football Club Inc	1	1	0	0	3	0	3		3
4	Woy Woy Football Club	1	0	1	0	0	3	-3		0
5	Berkeley Vale Soccer Club	1	0	1	0	0	4	-4		0
6	Doyalson Wyee Soccer Club	1	0	1	0	2	7	-5		0

Results

Age Group/Div

Home Team

H

A

Away Team

Round

Date

Comments

M45 / M45A

Killarney District Soccer Club Incorporated

3

1

Doyalson- Wyee Soccer Club

14/04/12

M45 / M45B

Kincumber Roos F.C.

7

2

Doyalson Wyee Soccer Club

14/04/12

M45 / M45A

Berkeley Vale Soccer Club

2

4

Umina United Soccer Club

14/04/12

M45 / M45B

Avoca Football Club Inc

4

0

Berkeley Vale Soccer Club

14/04/12

M45 / M45B

Woy Woy Football Club

0

3

Gosford City Football Club Inc

14/04/12

Relics Demolish Wolves in Season Opener

The mighty Kincumber Relics have hit the ground running in season 2012 with a resounding win over the Doyalson Wolves in front of a smallish but appreciative crowd at Fortress Frost. The result was even more stunning considering the number of Relics unavailable for the match. Smokey (strained gluteus), Banker (sore groin), Dallas (work) and Blackbeard (work) were ruled out during the week. Prior to the match strikers Darchinyan and new boy Tonk withdrew due to illness. The Relics also lost Howler in the first half with a strained calf.

The Relics were very impressive in the opening stages pushing the ball to each other with confidence and conviction. It wasn’t long before the Wolves were at sixes and sevens and no doubt regretting leaving their Doyalson den to make the trip south on the F3.

The Relics had numerous shots on goal in the opening period but could not put one past the agile wolf in goals. The deadlock was finally broken when Shadow put a neat strike into the net after some terrific lead-up work down the right flank. The Relics were clearly outclassing their lupine foe.

The Relics new formation was holding fast with Wild Thing, Old Crow, Toe and Becks looking impenetrable. At the 20 minute mark, however, disaster struck when a lone wolf run onto a speculative kick to send one past stand-in keeper Reckin ‘iron gloves’ Ball. The crowd was stunned as the Wolves drew even.

It wasn’t long, however, before the Relics ascendancy continued as Mickledildo banged one home for a 2-1 lead. Mickledildo was desperately unlucky not to have had a brace of goals as many of his attempts just failed to find the target. Even though the Relics went to the half time break with only a one goal lead they looked to be holding their opposition safely.

The Relics went on the attack straight away in the second half and it wasn’t long before club stalwart Hat mesmerised the Wolves defence to convert a glorious and poignant goal. At 3-1 it was a case of the Relics by how many! Completely against the run of play, however, the Wolves managed to scrounge a second goal after a Relics mix-up in front of their goal.

Down 2-3 the Wolves tried to rally but they were having difficulty getting the ball out of their own half. Old Crow and Axe were combining well with new recruit JJ The Jet Plane to put pressure on the Wolves defence to secure possession in the attacking half and apply extreme pressure. This pressure ultimately led to a penalty when Micklediver was brought down just outside the penalty area. Even though this did not lead to a goal another penalty in similar circumstances a few minutes later saw former ace Wazz place the ball for a second penalty 30 metres from goal. Even though Wazz was unable to make solid contact, the ball deviated from the shoulder of a defender to take a track back to the goal and beat the helpless goalie who had already dived the other way.

At 4-2 the Wolves looked safely held but the Relics’ co-coaches were worried about the number of shots that were failing to find their mark. In what ultimately turned out to be a coaching master stroke noted defender Becks was moved to the attacking zone. It wasn’t long before the move paid dividends as Becks loomed onto a wayward cross from Wild Thing to fire a deliberate and decisive strike 40 metres from goal. The ball left Beck’s foot like an Exocet Missile quickly cannoning into the top right corner of the net. Onlookers delirious with delight were heard to say that no goal-keeper in football history could have stopped such a well-timed and targeted shot. Unfortunately the goal was not captured on camera but similar, albeit inferior, strikes can be found at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foCJDVTbYg

Beck’s goal broke the Wolves spirit. Soon after Hat landed a double and the Axeman ran into space to convert a neat goal.

The final score of 7-2 actually flattered the opposition but all in Relics colours seemed satisfied with their first hit out for the season.

While he was on the field Howler played well and Head was solid in defence. The best on field for the Relics, however, were without doubt Hat the ageless mystro Shadow.

Pink and Black- Not just for the Caviar !

Whilst Black with pink spots is popular for Black Caviar, today the Relics made a great fashion statement thanks to Grant. His organisation of the wrist sweatbands, one black for Statue, one Breast Cancer pink for Rosanna made me sook before the game, but we wore them proudly and I was unashamed to kiss my pink, along with a few others when I scored my first goal Words cannot express how delighted I was with everybodys reaction to my joy. Thanks Guys, but especially thanks Grant and Kathy for the hard work putting the packs together. I will wear mine for the rest of the season. I love you'se all.

Help

I really love playing with 13 players.
Thanks Statue and Rosie...

Line up 1 v Doylo, Sat 14

11:45am kick off on Frost 2.

Line up for this Monday.

An Error of Comedies (with apologies to the bard)

Aside from Posh ,Grant and Hat we're not a very literary bunch, however the game against the Gosford cavemen reminded me mostly of Shakespearean comedies viz:

"So I will turn his virtue into the pitch, and out of his goodness make the net",Othello Act 2, Scene 3
and more recently Victor Darchinyan, who after the Gosford keeper had retrieved the ball from out of bounds and set it at his feet for a goal kick, looked on bemusedly as Darchinyan raced in and kicked it into the net. Somehow our resident goal sneak had decided to take his craft to new heights, completely ignoring the fact that his team mates had retreated toward midfield for the Gosford goal kick! Side splittingly funny stuff. You had to be there !

"Better three hours too soon than a minute late", Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 2, Scene 2
or more recently, Posh, on discovering that he had been sitting at home, looking forward to Sundays game, when it was indeed played on Saturday.

"Oft Expectation fails and most oft here...,Alls Well that ends Well ,Act1, Scene 2

or more recently, Wiz and Phil after viewing their highly unsuccessful experiment to turn Tolly into a fullback

"for my part its all Greek.." Julius Caesar, Act 1, Scene 2

or more recently, The Relics when trying to understand Phil's game plan and charts.

However, with a comfortable 5-2 victory, one could say that "Alls Well that Ends Well" and that after the game the feeling was very much "Come Gentlemen, Lets Drink down all Unkindness, Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 1, Scene 1.

Finally I'm sure our brains trust is hoping that this will not "Be the winter of our Discontent"

Line up

Coaches & Managers Meeting- Season Info

Hi Guys.

Coaches and Managers meeting last night revealed the following points for the season:

• Frost open for passive training next two weeks only on Tuesdays and Thursdays
• Lights not expected until 2 April. We should be able to have two Wed nights before season starts
• Easter Monday (9th) practice match for us is likely. I will reapproach Wyoming
• Draw expected out on Thursday April 4.
• Expect our Wed night training allocation to be same spot (under lights) and time as last year
• Bar will continue to be open only on Premier Home games. Absolutely no team eskis (on any field) on these days
• AA6 and AA8 still seeking players. Let your friends know if they are right age group.
• Season launch at Kin Hotel this Friday night from 6.30 pm. Free food etc. Please make an effort to turn up and wear club gear

Kotter or Youth- Either way he's welcome back !

Guys.

Juts to confirm that Laurie Blair has accepted and will become the Relic's 19th registered player for the season. Laurie is an ex club president, but more importantly has the rare privilege of having played with Mick,Vic,Pete, Grant, Banker and myself. Hes a genuinely nice guy, and a pretty good footballer (once we get him fit).

I think he last played in 2006 and the club has been waiting for him to make a come back.

The signs appropriate (Laurie/Lorry) gettit ?

Holger Joins the Mick Dig

Believe it.

The Toll makes this weekend ring in ex A grade keeper (Mickledinho) cry.

Its another Adam and Goliath story, from 40 metres away an excellent strike from the rookie striker bullets to the top far post and into the net, embarrassing the professional keeper who could only stand and watched it go in.

As Mickledinho struggled for excuses, The Toll just showed him the finger and screamed words that can not be repeated on this Blog. Plenty of love lost here as usually very good friends will be arguing this event for years to come.

For The Roos

Thank you all for your company on Thursday. You are a bunch of nice guys.

( Did I say That? )

Soccer's here now I can tell you all where to go, how to do it, then tell you why you shouldn't have done it.
                                                 "No.1 Supporter"
                                                                  Flemo Mum

Tribute to Rosanna Fleming from Grant

It is with great sadness that I am writing of the loss of Steve Fleming's ( The Hat ) wife Rosanna on Thursday 15/3/2012.Rosanna was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of Breast Cancer just over twelve months ago.Some members of the team and the Kincumber Roos Football Club have known Rosie for fifteen years.In this time you could not miss her. When she turned up to games or Club functions there was no mistaking that chuckle and wicked sense of humour.If there was a function at the Flemings that laugh became louder and the humour more wicked.Those of us who received emails from her were also treated to other forms of entertainment.During the last twelve months Rosanna bore the various treatments and surgeries with dignity , grace and humour.There are not many people that many of us know that could have done the same.Having had a full weekend partying , dancing and catching up with friends Rosanna suddenly became ill and passed away peacefully.She will be greatly missed by a lot of friends , workmates , Club and Team members.Our condolences , thoughts and support go out to Steve , Alan , Kristy and Bec.

Training Until the Season Starts

The Club has just been advised by Gosford Council that this year, passive training areas will be made available to the club from 13 March. No lighting will be made available, no training if its wet, Fitness activities only. Kincumber Club has been allocated Davistown Oval with Seniors to use Tue,Wed and Thur nights from 6 pm to 7 pm.
I've told the club that we dont wish to use the option at this stage.
It also looks likely that we will get access to Frost earlier than normal and it may even be available on our spare weekend. I'm also talking to teams about a practice match at Frost on Easter Monday afternoon for those that won't be away.
Wed night training at East Gosford at 6pms still unless I update by mobile.

2012 M45B Competition Teams

Not yet fully confirmed, but preliminary teams for Mens 45B for 2012 are Kin, Avoca, Berkeley Vale, Doyalson and a new Woy Woy Team. Gosfod promoted to A's for winning the comp. A teams unknown but I've been told its a six team comp. Kincumber Allstars/ 35A combined team have nominated for 35Cs.

The Empresses new boots...

A stylish new look for posh this season. Custom made for day /evening wear. Will be a standout all season....

The Relics Form Guide

The Kincumber Relics have commissioned form guru Ken Callander to run his eye over the Relics for 2012 as they head into their first trial game this weekend. Ken’s form analysis reads:

Banker Boy Former top-liner who retains his zest for racing. Recent injuries have hampered his preparation for this campaign. Capable on his day and look to him when the going gets tough. Watch betting.
Belldale Ball Spirited gelding and former hurdler who is finding his feet on the flat. Comes to hand quickly and sprints well fresh. Usually plays in blinkers. Expect a bold showing.
Sulo Star Dour one-pacer suited to staying events. Will go all day (and night). Rumoured to have changed stables during his summer spell. Returns to racing after an unsuccessful stint at stud. Stays under notice.
Black Crowiar Veteran campaigner and stable star. Can quicken when whipped and will be full of running at the finish. Recently returned from a successful oversees campaign. Will make his presence felt.
Toe Jam Reliable conveyance who rarely puts in a bad run. Has been in training for some time and expect bold showing first up. Watch any market moves.
Bold Becks Impressively bred stallion with an exceptional strike rate. Stable star. Trained to the minute. Races handy and has won under all conditions. Go close.
Shadow Chaser Former Ascot and Doncaster star who has equipped himself well under Australian conditions. Capable of leading or taking a sit. Consistent performer who is well suited under the weight for age scale. Threat.
Rangiranghowler Spirited sprinter who is difficult to catch over the shorter trips. Can mix his form and usually needs a tight rein to produce his best. Look to him to improve his strike rate in 2012. Likes to lead .
Mr Blackbeard Under-rated performer who is at his best on fast tracks. Fitter for recent outings and likely to figure early. Has played well without luck in past preparations . Do not overlook.
Axe Mark Ungainly galloper with a big heart. Likes hard work. Comfortable in any conditions. Likely improver. Take on trust.
Head Butt Cheap buy from a Packenham ‘tried and true’ sale. Having his first season in the Relics stable and has shown some promise on the training track. Can tend to over race and expect his form to improve as the season progresses. Look to others.
Victorious Pint sized dynamo who has set the football field on-fire for many years. Multiple award winner who sets the standard for this age and grade. Expect a huge campaign. The one to watch.
Old Smokey Striking grey who has returned from stud duties. Renown for his powerful finishing burst at stud. Form has looked good on the training paddock and a strong showing is expected in 2012. Capable on his day.
The Fascinator Talented performer who is up in weights after some great performances in his last campaign. Suited to all conditions. Never runs a bad race.
Thewizthatwaz Seasoned performer who has had his share of injuries in recent outings. Looks to be carrying a bit of condition. Likely to need a few runs to find best form. Later.
The Rubber Rod One from the top draw. Versatile. Handy in the wet. Also likes it hard and fast. Responds well to the whip. Sure to be prominent.
Debbie Does Barrier rogue who is prone to pig root mid race. Brought down another runner at his last start. Returning from a short lay-off. Tongue-tie is off for this campaign. Likes to come from the rear. Watch market moves closely.
Mr Brady Having his first start for a new stable. Not seen in recent trials. Prefer to see. Looking elsewhere.

Ken Callander

A True Pommie- A Picture Tells a Thousand Words

Most of us don't notice our resident pom. Flying under the radar, he stealthily remains a shadow, pretending to dislike darts and to like cold beer, but some of us know better. His knowledge of English fourth division football clubs, spiky Adam Ant hairstyle and love of a cuppa tea give him away. And then there's his training get up. At our last Sunday training run he dazzled us all with his sartorial elegance, obviously straight from Saville Row. But most freakily can anyone else see the resemblance to the below super hero. Could we say, Captain England by day, shadow by night? Surely it's the same person, or maybe, only the shadow knows.....

Saturday Game and After Party

Hi Guys.

First trial match this Saturday at Narara Valley High school. Please be there by 12.30 for Relics shirt presentation, kick off 1pm. Opponents Kincumber 45D's- Simon, Kev, Muzz, Craig etc. We will be missing at least 3 players, possibly 4 so bring your game.

Also don't forget the Gosford Cavemen's band at the Rock & Roll night with $5 cover charge at Bill Sohier Hall, Shirley St Ourimbah from 6 pm till midnight. Food and drink available at cheap prices.

Go Relics